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The Humor-News Letter, 20051130

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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it.



Now its time for the show to start !!!!



When I'm 100... if I lean a little, let me.
The family wheeled Grandma onto the lawn, in her wheelchair where the activities for her 100Th birthday were taking place.

Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows, this time on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her and secured her upright.

A nephew, who had arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma- you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew:

They won't let me fart !



Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a housedress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other.

It was the time for fixing things......a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.

It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating leftovers, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.

But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away... never to return. So... while we have it... it's best we love it.... and care for it....fix it when it's broken.... and heal it when it's sick.

This is true for marriage...old cars... and children with bad report cards...dogs with bad hips...aging parents...and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.

There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special..... and so, we keep them close!



TEN THINGS GOD WON'T ASK ON THAT DAY.

1... God won't ask what kind of car you drove. He'll ask how many people you drove that didn't have transportation.

2... God won't ask the square footage of your house. He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

3... God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet. He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

4... God won't ask what your highest salary was. He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

5.. God won't ask what your job title was. He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.

6... God won't ask how many friends you had. He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

7... God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, He'll ask how you treated! your neighbors.

8... God won't ask about the color of your skin, He'll ask about the content of your character.

9... God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation. He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.



3-1



The proctologist called
...they found your head..





Everyone has a photographic memory
...some just don't have any film.






Your ridiculous little
opinion has been noted.





I used to have a handle on life
...but it broke off.






Some people just don't know how to drive...
I call these people "Everybody But Me,"


250 free games at Shockwave.com (www.shockwave.com)



Don't like my driving?
Then quit watching me.






If you can read this
...I can slam on my brakes and sue you.





Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Yeah Paul, but I still love ya anyway.






Try not to let your mind wander...
It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.


Save on your favorite magazines - Magazineline: Since 1974



Hang up and drive!!















& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed !

If this copy wasn't sent directly to you from me & You actually want your own copy. Please send a blank email to:
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Note the link goes back to MSA where I get a lot of my scripts at now.


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thanks, David 1







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