Click here for prev. issues of the newsletter. Just click a date when you get to the menu.
By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
2002 MEANS MANY NEW STATE LAWS A pundit once wrote that January 1st is the
worst time for any new laws to go into effect. People are hungover from
the night before and, if they can't remember to put the new date on
checks, how are they going to remember to fasten their seatbelts? A sampling
of newspapers from around the country in search of new laws going into effect
this time around seems to show that many of the new laws share a common
theme. In 2002 young high school-age drivers are going to have a tougher row
to hoe. In Texas, for example, the Houston Chronicle says, "teen-age drivers
will lose some freedom, but many driver's lives may be saved..." The
Lone Star State is among many phasing in a so-called "graduated driver
license." Simply put, the younger you are the more restricted your driving
is, mostly bye time of day and who can be in the car with you. As a driver
gets older and is more experienced he or she is allowed more freedom on
the road. In Texas drivers under 18 will not be permitted to drive between
midnight and 5 a.m. during the first six month of their license.
Additionally, the number of friends who may be in the car will be
limited. A survey released last year shows that the more teens in a car,
the faster the driver goes and the greater the fatality rate. Dares and
taunts can be deadly.
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"Tomorrow night on NBC a very special episode of West Wing, it makes a
direct reference to what happened in New York. The exact plot is being kept
top secret. We are the only country in the world where we put our battle
plans on CNN, but the plots to our TV shows are top secret." -Jay Leno
"I want to die before my wife. The reason is: If it is true that when you
die, your soul goes up to judgment, I don't want my wife up there ahead of
me to tell them things." --Bill Cosby
A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat
in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't
have a CB radio in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to get
help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked
for assistance.
A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your
location."
"I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of
Standish."
The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?"
"I-75, two
miles south of Standish."
A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice
asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?"
Manager: "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high
salary."
Applicant: "Well, the work is much harder when you don't know
what you're doing!"
Did Ya' Know: ------------------------------------ About two thirds of the
population of the world and 99% of people in the continental USA and western
Europe never see a truly dark starry sky from where they live because of
light pollution. Most of them cannot see the Milky Way and for many, the
sky never gets darker than it would during natural twilight because so much
artificial light brightens the atmosphere.
Undergrads love their plastic.
That means--you guessed it- -students are learning to become debtors.
According to the Public Interest Research Groups, only half of all students
pay off card balances in full each month, 36% sometimes do, and 14%
never do. 78% of undergrads have a credit card. The average number of
cards owned is 3. The average student card debt is $1236.00. 32% of
students have four or more cards. 13% have balances of $3000 to $7000. 9%
have balances over $7000.
Americans watch nearly four hours of
television daily, and more than that during winter. French researchers in
Nice reviewed more than 65,000 cases of deep vein thrombosis--potentially
fatal blood clots in the legs--and found that hospitalizations were 18%
higher than average in the winter. These clots form relatively
quickly--a hazard on long airline flights--so cutting the risk is as
simple as getting out of the chair.
Get that blood pumping! Join a
mall-walking club. Go shopping at the supermarket, up and down every aisle,
and once the cart is full, go back up and down every aisle. Pushing a full
cart is a better workout. Deskercise: Once an hour, take a break and do
a workout in or beside the chair. Do jumping jacks during one commercial
for every 30-minutes of TV you watch. Rent a yoga, kickboxing, or other
exercise tape..and DO it.
*grin* It makes people wonder! ~AIKEN~
========================= The Thieving Joker ========================= Stolen
from: Bonehead-Of-The-Day To sign up --> http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com All
materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2001 by Jerry Lerman. All
Rights Reserved. ==================== http://www.ThievingJoker.net
====================
Remember the bonehead award we gave to a man whose
plane flew away, without him, or anyone else aboard? Here's a story on a
similar situation from reader, Jim Foreman, that is even more deserving of
a bonehead award.
Hi Jerry;
Actually, this very same thing
happened about 50 years ago, incidentally to the exact same type of airplane,
in Amarillo, Texas. It ended a bit better with the airplane flying almost 200
miles before it ran out of fuel and landing in a wheat field in Kansas
without a crash. They followed it all the way in another airplane and
after filling it with fuel, they flew it back. They created the
second bonehead award of the day by running out of fuel and landing
three miles short of the airport. The plane flipped on its back on
this landing and was
destroyed.
Bonehead
award two, a "too dumb to be a criminal bonehead award," goes to three
Scottish store robbers who, after robbing a store of about $30,000 worth of
cash, stamps and phone cards, decided to disable the store's video cameras
and who, having trouble seeing what they were doing, removed their masks so
they could better see the cameras, according to police who quickly rounded
them up using the close-up pictures from the security camera
system.
Scottish Daily Record
8-Jan-02
--------------------------------
Think those people are
idiots? Amazing that bonehead award four is for the same thing.
This
time the award goes to a female Arby's fast-food restaurant manager and a
female employee in Noblesville, Indiana who were duped by the very same
tactic, amazingly so.
A Burger King restaurant manager, having received a
similar call, had hung up on the caller.
A
world on edge. When biking becomes an explosive issue.
This next one is
from a story also sent to me by reader Jim Foreman. Thanks again,
Jim!
This is a story that appeared on the bicycle-touring list and
involves a bomb scare at an office building.
Bonehead award five goes
to some person who, seeing a bicycle parked in an office building parking
lot, called the bomb squad believing the bicycle pump and the wires going to
the light was some sort of explosive device.
It took the scores of
police and the bomb squad about 5 seconds to call off the whole
thing.
The
Seal Beach (California) Sun published some of its more unusual police blotter
items, including these:
* "A man called the police to ask if it was OK to
walk on the pier while he was having 'moronic thoughts.' "
* "Three
people with guns were detained by security" until it was determined that they
were history buffs "trying to re-create the Battle of Gettysburg."
*
"A man brought a desk, chair and phone and sat in the street. He claimed he
was an artist with poetic license."
* "A customer found $40 at the bank.
She returned the money but later called the police saying she wanted it
back."
From Steve Harvey's column in the LA Times.
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes
back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the
wrong change!"
Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We
don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it
now. That's the policy of this bank !"
Customer: "Well, okay. Just
thought you'd like to know you gave me twenty dollars too much. Bye. "
At dinner one night, my sister's kids asked, "Daddy, why do you call Mommy
honey?"
"Mommy is my honey," he said (rather sappily, but
that's the kind of guy he is). The kids picked up the metaphor and
innocently ran with it. "Mommy's your honey! You spread her and eat
her!"
My sister and her husband were unable to look at each
other for the duration of the meal, lest they crack up and then have to
explain why.
When visiting her family in Los Angeles, a woman decided to explore a trendy
shopping area. After window-shopping, she entered a store with unique table
displays. Each table was laid out with distinctive linen, fine china, silver
and crystal. The woman was the only customer. The young cashier initially
asked if she could help, but the woman declined and said she was only
browsing. The woman was a bit put off by the glances the cashier kept
giving her, but nonetheless, she spent almost an hour examining the
different makes of china and silver. It was only after thanking the
shopkeeper and leaving that this woman discovered she had been inspecting
the tableware at a chic restaurant.
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down
Main Street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can
explain."
"Just be quiet!!!" snapped the officer. "...or I'm going to
let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back."
"But
officer, I just wanted to say..."
"And I said KEEP QUIET! Now you're
going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer checked up on his
prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's
wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't
count on it," said the man in the cell. "I'm the groom!"
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for
his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his
choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean
selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud
of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean,
who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. One of his colleagues
whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken
the money."
Never give up. And never, under any
circumstances, face the facts.
- Ruth Gordon
The father of five children had won a toy at a
raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the
present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to
mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in
unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."
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1970: OUR PRESIDENT'S STRUGGLE WITH FIDEL 2000: OUR PRESIDENT'S
STRUGGLE WITH FIDELITY
1970: PARR 2000: AARP
1970: KILLER
WEED 2000: WEED KILLER
1970: HOPING FOR A BMW 2000: HOPING FOR A
BM
1970: THE GRATEFUL DEAD 2000: DR. KEVORKIAN
1970: GETTING
OUT TO A NEW HIP JOINT 2000: GETTING A NEW HIP JOINT
1970: ROLLNG
STONES 2000: KIDNEY STONES
1970: BEING CALLED TO THE PRINCIPAL'S
OFFICE 2000: CALLING THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE
1970: SCREW THE
SYSTEM 2000: UPGRADE THE SYSTEM
1970: PEACE SIGN 2000: MERCEDES
LOGO
1970: PARENTS BEG YOU TO GET A HAIRCUT 2000: CHILDREN BEG YOU TO
GET THEIR HEADS SHAVED
1970: PASSING THE DRIVERS TEST 2000: PASSING
THE VISION TEST
1970: "WHATEVER" 2000:
"DEPENDS"
Young people are dying today to avenge their ancestors. They are fighting in
the Holy Land, where Jesus walked preaching forgiveness. They wage war
interminably. What does it prove? Where does it lead? To peace? Never.
The vanquished respond with vengeance and increase the human toll in
battles over ancient enmities. It can all begin to change with you, if you
learn the universal principal of forgiveness, learn to transcend hatred as a
response to hatred, and to give away peace in its place. It is not
weak to forgive, it is a gallant and brave act.
An ancient Chinese
proverb tells us, 'The one who pursues revenge should dig two graves.' -
-Wayne Dyer, in "You'll See It When You Believe It"
A toy manufacturer has created an Osama bin Laden stress reliever for
motorists. The squeezable bin Laden head-on-a-spring can be fixed to
dashboards. The toy has gone on display for the first time at the Hong Kong
Toy and Game Fair. More than 25,000 visitors are expected to attend the
four-day annual event. The bin Laden stress reliever is manufactured by a
Chinese firm...
... We won't really be stress free until the military is
doing that to the REAL bin Laden..
A Kentucky man has accidentally shot himself while practicing his quick-draw
on a snowman. Bob Bowling suffered a wound to his right thigh. The
embarrassed 32-year-old initially told state police his gun was in his
holster and it went off when he sat down. But after being taken to
hospital he told a state trooper the weapon went off while he was
quick-drawing on a snowman...
... Where do you think shooters get the
term, "stay frosty"...?
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
The times on this one are 235 seconds for 28K modem, 140 seconds for 56k modem & 64 seconds for cable/dsl
