Click here for prev. issues of the newsletter. Just click a date when you get to the menu.
By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
WHY GOVERNMENT NEEDS YOUR MONEY"
This last April, on the day federal
income tax returns were due, the Libertarian Party released a list to remind
the public how their money gets spent by the government. The list was
released by Libertarian Party national director Steve Dasbach and is titled
"Top 10 Most Ridiculous Things That Politicians Are Spending Your Money On
This Year."
1. A retirement program for chimpanzees. Congress has
created the Chimpanzee Health Improvement, Maintenance and Protection Act
(CHIMP), which will spend $45,000 per animal in 2001. "Proving that once
again, politicians are making a monkey out of the taxpayer," Dasbach
said.
2. Turning taxpayer money into dung. Congress voted to give $4
million to the International Fertilizer Development Center for waste
research.
3. Subsidizing politicians' erections. "Congress's health
insurance program actually covers Viagra, which demonstrates that the worst
case of electile dysfunction in the world can be found here in
Washington," said Dasbach.
4. Paying teenagers not to have sex. An
"emergency" spending provision in the 2001 military construction bill
includes $20 million to pay for a teenage abstinence program.
5. A
Dr. Seuss memorial. The Housing and Urban Development bill contains $400,000
for a memorial to the author of "Green Eggs and Ham." Dasbach called it "a
classic case of Pork-I-Am."
6. Spying on your e-mail. The FBI's Carnivore
computer snooping program threatens to take the bite out of your privacy and
devour the Fourth Amendment.
7. Looking at you naked. US Customs
officials at dozens of airports are now using the high-tech Bodysearch
scanner, which can see body contours right through your clothes. "These
X-rated X-rays have turned airport bureaucrats into peeping Toms and are
stripping innocent Americans of their privacy," said Dasbach.
8.
Subsidizing an insect lab. Republican Senator Thad Cochran (R- Miss.) cost
taxpayers $5 million when he inserted money into an agriculture bill to
build an insect laboratory in his home state of Mississippi, which explains
why Americans are bugged by high taxes.
9. Subsidizing religion.
"President Bush's plan to funnel tax dollars to faith-based charities shows
that what politicians really worship is Big Government," said
Dasbach.
10. Urging fat people to walk. The Centers for Disease Control
spent $14,900 to decorate a stairwell to encourage obese employees to walk,
rather than take the elevator.
As this list demonstrates, in
Washington, DC, no dollar will go unspent...no matter how silly the waste of
your bucks.
Have some info to
share? mailto:Firesongs_Funnies@hotmail.com?subject=FYI
Socket and wrench sets now come in inch and metric and they are hard to read
the sizes.
I spray paint white the metric sockets and wrenchs to identify
at a glance the type I need.
Have a good tip to
share? mailto:Firesongs_Funnies@hotmail.com?subject=TIP
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you
need it.
Have a good PONDER to
share? mailto:Firesongs_Funnies@hotmail.com?subject=POnder
While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on
their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in
hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide.
"Each year," he
replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it
took to finish paving this courtyard."
"So what's the answer?" my
friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen.
The
guide replied, "One."
JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DEALING WITH? Tracy Vickers of St. Petersburg,
Fla., was sitting in his car at a gas station waiting for the car in
front of him to move. A man got out of that car and came over to his window
and asked the time. When he looked away to check, "he reaches in the
window, snags my chain and says, 'Gotcha'," Vickers said. "That made me
mad." The gold chain is worth about $1,000. The man sped off with
Vickers in hot pursuit. At one point the getaway car took a sharp turn
and "was pretty much on two wheels," so Vickers "just gave him [a]
nudge" which rolled the fleeing car over. Vickers bashed through the
driver's window and yanked the man out. "About the third time I kneed him
in the face, he threw the chain," said the 6-foot, 280-pound Vickers.
Officers suggested that his actions were "not recommended by police," but
didn't charge him with any crime. (St. Petersburg Times) ...No, that might
make him mad.
WHITE SALSA ************************************************************
INGREDIENTS: 1
cup sour cream 1 cup mayonnaise juice from 3 limes 4 cloves garlic,
crushed 1 1/2 cups finely chopped cilantro 6-ounce can black olives
(pitted), drained and chopped 1 1/2 cups green onions, finely chopped 5
teaspoons hot pepper sauce pepper to taste
DIRECTIONS: In a medium
bowl, combine mayonnaise and sour cream, mixing well. Add lime juice, garlic,
cilantro, black olives, scallions, hot pepper sauce, salt and pepper. Taste
and adjust seasonings for personal preference. Refrigerate for 2 hours
before serving to allow flavors to blend. Serve with tortilla chips.
Only place one or two different kinds of appetizers
on each serving tray. Having a jumble of a myriad of different appetizers
on one tray confuses the eye and it can make it difficult for your guests to
choose which one they want to sample.
Make sure there are plenty of
receptacles for waste. Nobody wants to see untidy piles of toothpicks, olive
pits or shrimp tails scattered through out the serving tables and the
room.
Don't make appetizers too large. They should be able to be eaten
in one or two bites. Decide ahead of time whether or not you will be passing
trays of appetizers around or whether you will keep them all on a stationary
surface. If passing appetizers, be sure to choose trays that aren't too
large and heavy.
An old cowhand
came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched
from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and
tied his horse to the rail a
few feet in front of the
sheriff.
"Howdy, Stranger." "Howdy, Sheriff."
The cowboy then
moved slowly to the back of the horse, lifted his tail and placed a big kiss
where the sun don't shine.
He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on
the walk, and aimed towards the swing doors of the saloon. "Hold on there,
Mister," said the Sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I
saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped
lips."
"And does that cure them?" the Sheriff asked.
"Nope, but
it keeps me from lickin' 'em.
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