Click here for prev. issues of the newsletter. Just click a date when you get to the menu.
By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
Dexter had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his boss for
two more weeks off to get married.
"What!" shouted the boss. "I can't
give you more time now. Why didn't you get married while you were
off?"
"Are you nuts?" replied Dexter. "That would have ruined my whole
vacation...!!!"
IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM DR. JEFFREY LANT FOR ALL BUSINESS PEOPLE WHO WANT FREE
TRAFFIC TO THEIR SITES!
We at Worldprofit have created the ULTIMATE
FREE TRAFFIC LIST. It contains THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of resources about
where you can get FREE ONLINE TRAFFIC!
This list has taken us MONTHS to
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before. IT IS PACKED WITH SO MANY FREE TRAFFIC RESOURCES YOU WILL PROBABLY
NEVER GET THROUGH THEM ALL!
DO NOT WAIT! If you worked all day, every day trying to
find FREE ONLINE TRAFFIC RESOURCES it would take you WEEKS to assemble this list
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building resources since the last time we made this free list available.
Even if you got it before, it is bigger and better NOW!
Office workers are being driven to violence by slow or faulty internet
connections, according to a new survey.
Of the 1,000 people questioned,
more than half said they experience internet frustration at least once a
week. Many people said they thump their computer or desk in anger when the
internet crashes but 2% said they actually hit the person sitting next to
them.
The poll, carried out by Mori, showed one in ten people
lose their rag with the net on a daily basis.
Top of the list of
internet irritations are sites that take a long time to load, help buttons
which do not help and excessive requests for personal details.
Thieves have stolen a monkey that's lived in a Florida theme park since it
was born 15 years ago.
The female squirrel monkey named Charlie has
disappeared from the Lion County Safari. Workers at the park fed her
with a tiny bottle after her mother died in 1987 when she was still a
baby.
Palm Beach County officer Kris Moose says the thief used either
a hacksaw or bolt cutters to remove a padlock. The thief took the padlock and
only left behind a set of faint footprints.
For these & other news stories that are up to date, Please see the
web site.
Management has determined that there is no longer any need for network or
software applications support. The goal is to remove all computers from the
desktop by Dec. 31, 2002. Instead, everyone will be provided with an
Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No OS
problems. 2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done. 3. No
more wasted time reading and writing emails.
Frequently Asked Questions
for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support:
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of
these funny little lines all over the screen. A: Pick it up and shake
it
Q. How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake
it.
Q. What's the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake
it.
Q. How do I create a New Document window? A. Pick it up and shake
it.
Q. How do I set the background and foreground to the same
color? A. Pick it up and shake it.
Q. What is the proper procedure for
rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q. How do I
delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q.
How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document? A: Don't shake it.
Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to
watch while others do the work. They are called "Speck Taters".
Some
people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the
way others do the work. They are called "Comment Taters".
Some people
are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It
is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet. They are called "Agie
Taters".
There are those who say they will help, but somehow
just never get around to actually doing what they promised. They are
called "Hezzie Taters".
Some people can put up a front and pretend to be
someone they are not. They are called "Emma Taters".
Then there are
those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always
prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring
real sunshine into the lives of others. They are called "Sweet Taters".
Dear Sir:
"I am writing in response to your request for additional
information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as
the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust
the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On
the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six
story building. When I completed my work, found that I had some bricks
left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of
500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower
them in a barrel by using a pulley,which was attached to the side of the
building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to
the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then
I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow
descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report
form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the
ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the
rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of
the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which
was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained
the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed
in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued
my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were
two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had
regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in
spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.
At
approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and
the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks,
that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.
This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change
slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen
my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only
three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there
on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure
and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the
empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the
two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry."
THE WIT WIZARD savagely exposes America's frauds, fools, freaks &
foibles, harpoons the hypocrites and punctures the pompous. Free politically
incorrect social satire weekly...
An EzineADventure
AD. Get Your FREE Ads NOW!
"Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone
-- and hurt them to the bone -- you can feel self-righteous about it at
the same time." --Dave Van Ronk
"All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be
undertaken with painstaking excellence." -- Martin Luther King, Jr
You know your astrological sign...now discover your element - the ancient
Chinese way to find out what makes you tick and what makes you
special.
Just look for your birth year below to find which element
you are.
If
you're a WOOD - You're a unique mix of creativity and practicality. And
you don't ever give up-ever.
You're especially good at: starting new
undertakings - and seeing them through to completion. A planner and a
creator, anything perceived as a challenge excites you. You're also
extremely independent and very decisive.
Others admire: Your ability to
adapt quickly to the changes in your life. You know just what needs to be
done in any given
situation.
============================================
If you're
a FIRE - Your cheerful disposition and vibrant nature draw others in like
bees to honey. And you thrive on excitement.
You're especially good
at: Making even the most ordinary events extraordinary. People just love
to be around you because you're spirited, alive, and very, very
happy.
Others admire: Your outgoing personality and passionate
nature. Passion is not something you're afraid to display, whether it's
for a significant other, a cause, or a leisure time
hobby.
============================================
If you're an
EARTH - You're stable, grounded, in focus - the glue that holds together
every group you're a part of.
You're especially good at: Keeping the
peace. Your supportiveness and trustworthy ways have gained you the
respect of others. And it's these traits that make you the perfect
mediator when others come to odds.
Others admire: Your loyalty.
You put a premium on the relationships that matter most to you and keep
every commitment you
make.
============================================
If you're a
METAL - You're a deeply spiritual person who seeks meaning in everyday
experiences.
You're especially good at: Keeping a cool head while
others are rolling. Able to remain neutral and clear thinking when others
cannot. You're the great analytical mind of the elements.
Others
admire: Your knack for finding the ideal solution, just when it's needed
most. A perfectionist with a strong personality and great wisdom, family
and friends recognize you as a terrific problem
solver.
============================================
If you're a
WATER - You are wise and ambitious, and have a tremendous interest in
what makes people tick.
You're especially good at: Reaching your goals.
Remarkably self-sufficient, you also tend to be very intuitive and
operate by instinct.
Others admire: Your easygoing nature and super
ability to juggle numerous responsibilities at once.
If your birthday is on ..... Scroll down to find out about your nature
...
December 23rd - January 1st Red
January 2nd - January 11th Orange January 12th - January 24th
Yellow January 25th - February 3 Pink February 4th -
February 8th Blue February 9th - February 18th Green
February 19th - February 28th Brown March1st - Match 10th
Aqua March 11 - March 20th Lime March 21 st
Black March 22 nd - March 31st Purple April 1st -
April 10th Navy April 11th - April 20th Silver April
21st - April 30th White May 2nd - May 14th Blue May
15th - May 24th Gold May 25th - June 3rd Cream June
4th - June13th Gray June 14 - June 23rd Maroon June
24th Gray June 25 - July 4th Red July 5th - July
14th Orange July 15th - July 25 th Yellow July 26th
- August 4 th Pink August 5th - August 13th Blue
August 14th - August 23rd Green August 24 - September 2nd
Brown September 3rd - September12th Aqua September
13th - September 22nd Lime September 23rd Olive
September 24th - October 3rd Purple October 4th - October 13th
Nave October 14th - October 23rd Silver October 24 -
November 11th White November 12th - November 21st
Gold November 22nd - December1st Cream December 2nd
- December11th Gray December 12th - December 21st
Maroon December 22nd Teal
RED Cute and lovable type, you are picky but always in love ...and
liked to be loved. Fresh and cheerful, but can be "moody" at times.
Capable with people, nice, soft, and that can love you for the way you
are. Likes people that are easy to talk to, and can make you feel
comfortable. CREAM Competitive and sportive. Don't
like losing and always cheerful! You are trustworthy, and very
out-going. You choose love carefully, and don't fall in love easily. But
once you find the right one, you don't let go for a long long
time.
TEAL You are mostly interested in your
looks. And have high standards in picking love. You think and make a
solution precisely, and hardly make stupid mistakes. You like to lead,
and is easy for you to make new friends.
GREY You are attractive, and active. You never hide your feelings,
and express everything that's inside. But can be selfish at times. You
want to be noticed, and don't like to be treated unequally. You can
brighten up people's day. You know what to say at the right time, and
you have a good sense of humor.
GREEN You get along well with new people. You are not really a shy
person, but sometimes you can hurt people's feelings by your words...
You like to be loved and noticed by your lover, but mostly you are
single, waiting for the right person.
GOLD You know what's right and what's wrong. You are cheerful and
out going. It's hard for you to find the one you want, but once you find
the right person, you won't be able to fall in love again for a long
time.
PINK You are always trying your best
in everything, and like to help and care for other people. But you are
not easily satisfied. You have negative thoughts, and you look for
romantic love like in a fairytale.
YELLOW
You are sweet and innocent. Trusted by many people, and have a strong
leadership towards relationships. You make good decision and make the
right choice at the right time. And always dreaming of romantic
relationship.
MAROON You are
intelligent, and know what's right. You like to take things go your way,
which can sometimes cause trouble or not thinking about other people's
feelings. But you are patient when it comes to love... Once you get a
hold of the right person, it's hard for you to find a better love.
ORANGE You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how
to treat people. You always have goals to reach, and are competitive.
When it comes to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once
you find the right friend, you trust them for ever.
PURPLE You are mysterious, never selfish and get interested in
things easily. Your day can be sad or happy depending on your mood. You
are popular between friends but you can act stupid at times, and forget
things easily. You go for person that's
trustworthy.
LIME You are calm, but easily
stressed out. You get jealous easily, and complain over little things.
You can't get stuck into one thing, but you have a capable personality
for everyone to trust you and like you.
SILVER You are imaginative and shy, but you like trying new
things. You like to challenge yourself. You learn things easily, and
like "Hard to get". Your love life is normally hard and
confusing.
WHITE You dream and have goals in
your life. You get jealous easily and you don't react to things easily.
You are different and sometimes thought highly by
others.
OLIVE You are warm and light
hearted. You seem to flow well with friends and family. You don't like
violence and know what's right. You are kind and cheerful, but don't
envy other people easily. BROWN You are active and
sportive. It's hard for other people to become close with you, but you
fall in love easily. But once you find out you can't get something, you
give up and let go easily as well. BLUE You have low
self-esteem, and very picky. You are artistic and like to fall in love,
but you let your love pass by, by loving with your mind, not your
heart. NAVY You are attractive, and love your life.
You have a strong feeling towards everything. And very easily
distracted. Once you get angry at someone, it's hard for you to forgive
them. AQUA Your feelings change suddenly and easily.
You are always lonely, and like travelling. You are truthful, but listen
and believe other people too easily. It's hard to find love for you, and
you get lost in love easily. Sometimes you get hurt by
love.
BLACK You are challenging, and have
the "guts". But you don't like changes in your life. And once you make a
decision, you keep it that way for a long time. Your love life is also
challenging, and different. ORANGE You are
responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat people. You
always have goals to reach, and are competitive. When it comes to
friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the
right friend, you trust them for ever.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED.....
I've learned...... that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have lots of
money.
I've learned..... that you shouldn't compare yourself to others
- they are more messed up than you think.
I've learned- you should
always leave loved ones with loving words. You may need to borrow
money.
I've learned..... that either you control your attitude or you
will be offered medication.
I've learned..... that your family
won't always be there for you. Unless, of course, you win the
lottery.
I've learned..... that no matter how you try to protect your
children, they may eventually get arrested and end up in the local
paper.
I've learned....... that you cannot make someone love you. All
you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
The times on this one are 204 seconds for 28K modem,
121 seconds for 56k modem & 56 seconds for cable/dsl
