Click here for prev. issues of the newsletter. Just click a date when you get to the menu.
By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
Did Ya' Know: 020323 ------------------------------------ Why do some chefs wear
tall white hats? Legend has it that royal cooks were once honored with
cloth "crowns" that covered any loose locks. Over time, the hats became
white (to show food stains) and taller (to better ventilate the head).
Today this headwear remains a symbol of the master chef.
True or
false? Put ice on a burn. FALSE! Ice reduces the blood flow, which can
slow healing. Instead, run cool water on the burn for at least 10 minutes.
Then look at the spot. If it's blistered or charred, go to the
ER.
Sweat itself is odorless, only when combined with bacteria that
are breaking down dead skin cells does it become smelly. Smelly sweat is
called bromohidrosis. Sweat is composed of water, sodium chloride,
potassium salts, urea, and lactic acid.
*grin* It makes people
wonder! ~AIKEN~
St. Patrick's Day Engagement
An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally
proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a
synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a
jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young
lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She
protested vehemently about his cheapness.
"It was in honor of St.
Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock."
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
Paul Rodriguez
You are under arrest and.... 1. No, I don't care who you are. 2. No, I
don't care who you know. 3. Yes... you DO pay my salary. 4. Yes... you CAN
have my job. 5. No, I don't have anything better to do. 6. Yes, I DO
arrest real criminals sometimes. 7. No, I am not picking on you because you
are________ (fill in). 8. No, I can't give you a break. 9. No, I don't
know your friend, Officer __________(fill in). 10. Yes, you will be allowed
to make a phone call. 11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again. 12.
No, we can't talk about it. 13. Yes, it DOES make me happy. 14. Yes, you
WILL see me in court. Thank you, have a nice day. Your Arresting Officer
__________(fill in)
21 Rules of Executive Combat, According to Murphy's Laws
1. If the enemy
is in range, so are you. 2. Incoming fire has the right of way. 3. Don't
look conspicuous, it draws fire. 4. There is always a way. 5. The easy way
is always mined. 6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. 7.
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous. 8.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. when you're ready
for them. b. when you're not ready for them. 9. Teamwork is
essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at. 10. If you can't remember,
then the claymore is pointed at you. 11. The enemy diversion you have been
ignoring will be the main attack. 12. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's
way of telling you to slow down. 13. If your attack is going well, you
have walked into an ambush. 14. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around
you. 15. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing. 16. Make it
tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out. 17.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. 18. If you're short
of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone. 19. When you have
secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy. 20. Never forget that your
weapon is made by the lowest bidder. 21. If it's stupid but it works, it
isn't stupid.
Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the Condo clubhouse
when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops
dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other
five complete their playing time standing up. Finkelstein looks around
and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"They draw straws and
Goldberg picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle,
don't make a bad situation any worse. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most
discreet mensch you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to
me." Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment, knocks on the door, the
wife answers, asks what he wants.
Goldberg declares, "Your husband
just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."
She
hollers, "TELL HIM HE SHOULD DROP DEAD!"
Goldberg says, "OK I'll go tell
him."
A GOLFER sliced the ball from the tee over the hill into a valley. Hearing
a yell,he dashed to the top of the hill to see a man lying unconscious
below.
When the golfer ran down to the man, the stricken fellow opened
one eye and said calmly,
"I'm a lawyer and I'm going to sue you for
five thousand dollers."
"I'm so sorry," the golfer replied,"but I did
yell 'Fore.'"
"I'll take it,"said the lawyer.
My husband is an Army helicopter pilot, and we never seem to live in one
place for very long. Typically, during a move, we stay in a hotel until we
can find a permanent place to have our things delivered. Our children enjoy
this greatly, although sometimes it can be a bit confusing for them. One
day, as we were driving down an interstate and passed a Holiday Inn, our
three-year-old squeaked in excitement from the backseat.
"Look!" he
exclaimed. "There's our old house!"
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Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started
the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, "My dad's
way faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast ball from
the pitcher's mound and run and catch it just after it crosses the
plate!"
One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot an
arrow from his bow and run to the target and hold it up to make sure
the arrow hits the bulls eye!"
The last boy said, "Your dads don't
even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the government,
and even though he works every day until 4:00 he gets home at 3:30!"
After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon
stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this,"
bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right
now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?"
Amid much mumbling, one
voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter."
Today's thought is: 020323 It feels so good to cry . --Susan Cygnet
Some
of us were taught that it's bad to express our feelings directly-crying,
wailing, jumping up and down for joy-that it's good manners to talk softly,
slowly, and politely and to sit still.
But what happens to our feelings
when we sit still? If they don't get expressed, they must be caught inside
our bodies. Trapped feelings are like birds in a cage, or a rabbit in a
trap-they try to get out any way they can. They peck on our heads and give
us headaches. They scratch at our stomachs and make us hurt.
We must
let them out. We must laugh and cry. Then our bodies will be happy, and
our feelings will curl up in our laps like happy puppies.
Am I
ignoring the physical symptoms of trapped feelings?
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move
and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I
apologize" and "You are right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to
eat crow while it's still warm.
6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was,
"Go! You might meet somebody!"
7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her--believe them.
8. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one
year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?'
9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another
chance!
11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because
of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right
about you.
12. Work is good, but it's not that important.
13. And finally... Be really nice to your friends and family. You
never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
ONLY A TRUE WEST VIRGINIAN KNOWS ........
Only a true West Virginian
knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption.
Nobody
but a true West Virginian knows how many fish make up a mess.
A true
West Virginian can show or point out to you the general direction of
yonderways.
A true West Virginian knows exactly how long "directly"
is - as in "Going to town, be back directly."
Even true West
Virginia babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white,
granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of
the table.
All true West Virginians know exactly when "by and by" is.
True West Virginians know instinctively that the best gesture of
solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and
a big bowl of cold tater salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also
know to add some hot biscuits and nanner puddin'.
True West
Virginians grow up knowing the difference between "pert' near" and "a right
far piece."
True West Virginians both know and understand the
differences between a redneck and a good ol' boy.
No true West
Virginian would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is
actually going to make a turn.
True West Virginians know that "fixin"
can be used both as a noun, verb and an adverb.
True West Virginians
have always known that the West Virginian is more American than America!
AMEN!!
THE WIT WIZARD savagely exposes America's frauds, fools, freaks &
foibles, harpoons the hypocrites and punctures the pompous. Free politically
incorrect social satire weekly...
An EzineADventure
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HISTORY LESSON:
What happens when a president gets elected in a year
with a "0"(zero) at the end? Also notice it goes in increments of 20
years.
And LOOK! Year 2000 is where it lands!
1840: William Henry
Harrison (Died in Office) 1860: Abraham Lincoln (Assassinated) 1880: James
A. Garfield (Assassinated) 1900: William McKinley (Assassinated) 1920:
Warren G. Harding (Died in Office) 1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (Died in
Office) 1960: John F. Kennedy (Assassinated) 1980: Ronald Reagan
(Survived Assassination Attempt) 2000: And to think that we had 2 guys
duking it out in the courts to be theone elected in 2000. You might be
interested in this next part.
Have a history teacher explain this ---- If
they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F.
Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected
President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in
1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both
wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both
Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the
head.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was
named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were
succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded
Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in
1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in
1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in
1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are
composed of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named
'Ford.' Kennedy was shot in a car called a 'Lincoln' made by
Ford
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse. Oswald
ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were
assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker: A week before
Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot,
he was with Marilyn Monroe.
You know you're from Delaware when.......
1.
You've never met any celebrities.
2. You know where, what and when the
Hummers Parade is held.
3. "Vacation" means going to Rehoboth.
4. You know the best subs come from Capriottis.
5. You measure
distance in minutes.
6. You get a drink of "wooder" from the kitchen
"zink."
7. Your school classes were canceled because of 3 snowflakes.
8. The whole state panics because of 3 snowflakes.
9. You've
ridden the school bus for 15 minutes each way.
10. You love the beach
but hate the tourists.
11. You know about pumpkin-chunking and you have
your favorite chunker.
12. You've eaten scrapple sandwiches.
13. You can identify all the major types of manure by smell
(especially chicken!)
14. That if it takes more than an hour to
drive to, you're not going.
15. You end your sentences with
unnecessary prepositions. Example: "Where's my coat at?"
16. You
actually know what a "slick" dumpling is.
17. You install security
lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
18. You
carry jumper cables in your car.
19. Somebody in your family works for
the DuPont Company or MBNA Bank.
20. You only own 3 spices: salt,
pepper, and ketchup (for the scrapple).
21. You warsh your car with
wooder.
22. You think anyone from anywhere but Delaware has an accent.
23. You think the "Apple Scrapple Festival" is perfectly normal.
24. You think, maybe, just maybe, you might get a white Christmas.
Then it rains.
25. The highest point in the Southern Delaware is a
rise on the golf course.(In New Castle County it's Christiana Mall)
26. The state has one hill. You've been sledding on it.
27. You
know Newerk is in New Jersey, but NewARK is in Delaware.
28. You know
how to carefully pronounce the name Foulk Road.
29. You talk of Northern
Delaware and the entire Eastern Seaboard as "above the anal."
30.
You know if another Delawarean is from southern, middle or northern Delaware
as soon as they open their mouth.
31. You know the common name of every
street in Sussex, Kent and New Castle County, but have no idea the what the
route numbers are.
32. The opening of a Wal-Mart was declared by your
mayor as, "The most exciting thing to happen in Western Sussex County in 50
years."
33. When you want to go out for a nice dinner, you have to
switch states if you live in Sussex or Kent County
34. You know that
traffic lights at major intersections are 3 minutes long.
35.You
know most major areas are considered corners, such as Price Corner, Boyd's
Corner; Tybouts Corner but there is no sign to tell you this.
36.You
know that living in Wilmington, the sections in this town are considered
100's such as Brandywine 100
37. You drive down Interstate 95 and the
road sign direct you to the "MetroForm", it's not a building a town or
anything. It's not even on a map; we are still wondering what it
is.
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
The times on this one are 161 seconds for 28K modem,
96 seconds for 56k modem & 44 seconds for cable/dsl
St. Patrick's Day Engagement
