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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
APPLE ALMOND COFFEE CAKE
2 large apples, peeled, cored and chopped 1/2
cup brown sugar 1/2 cup almonds, chopped 1/2 cup raisins 1 egg 1/3
cup butter or margarine, melted 1 tsp vanilla 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp
cinnamon 1 cup flour 1 tsp allspice 1/2 tsp cardamom 1/4 tsp
salt
Toss apples with sugar, almonds and raisins. Beat eggs with
butter and vanilla and stir into apple mixture.
Combine flour, baking
soda cinnamon, allspice, cardamom and salt in a separate bowl.
Stir
dry ingredients into apple mixture only enough to moisten all ingredients.
Spoon into a greased 8" baking dish and bake in a preheated 350 degree oven
for about 45 minutes. Cool slightly before cutting.
Jones applied to a finance agency for a job,
but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a
tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the
job.
Two hours later, Jones came back with the
entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do
it?"
"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he
didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid us."
Pork and Pear Pasta
1 lb Mostaccioli, Ziti or other medium pasta shape,
uncooked 29 oz can pear halves packed in heavy syrup, undrained 1
TBLSPN plus 1 t cornstarch 2 TBLSPNS low-sodium soy sauce 2 t sesame
oil 1 lb lean boneless pork, cut julienne 1/4 t ground red pepper
1 t vegetable oil 1 cup chopped red bell pepper 2 TBLSPN
balsamic vinegar (optional) 1/2 t whole thyme 2 cups fresh spinach,
sliced thinly Salt and pepper to taste
******************************************************************** Prepare
pasta according to package directions. While pasta is cooking, drain and
chop pears, reserving 1 1/2 cups of juice. Blend cornstarch and soy sauce
until smooth. Sprinkle pork with ground red pepper. In a large non-stick
skillet, heat oil over high heat. Add pork and stir-fry until thoroughly
cooked. Remove pork from skillet and set aside. Add bell pepper to
skillet and sauté 1 minute. Add pears and thyme. Cook until thoroughly
heated, stirring constantly. Add pork, reserved juice, cornstarch mixture,
sesame oil, and vinegar, if desired. Cook until thickened and bubbly,
stirring occasionally. Drain pasta. Place in a large bowl. Add pork
mixture and toss. Add spinach and toss well. Salt and pepper to taste.
Serve immediately.
Spiced Applesauce Banana Bread
1 1/4 cup all purpose flour 1/2 cup
whole wheat flour 1/2 cup sugar 2 t baking powder 2 t cinnamon 1 t
allspice 1/2 t ginger 1/4 t salt 1 beaten egg 2 med bananas,
mashed 3/4 cup unsweetened applesauce 2 TBLSPN canola oil 1/3 cup fat
free
milk ********************************************************** Preheat
oven to 350. In a large bowl, combine the flours, sugar, baking powder,
cinnamon, allspice, ginger and salt. In a med. bowl, combine the egg,
bananas, applesauce, oil and milk. Add the banana mixture slowly to the
flour mixture and mix until just combined. Do not overbeat. Spray a
9x5x3" loaf pan with nonstick spray. Dust the pan lightly with flour. Pour
the batter into the prepared pan. Bake the banana bread for 45 - 50 mins
until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Let the bread cool in
the pan for 15 mins. Then turn the loaf out onto a rack and cool
completely. Makes 1 loaf
Did Ya' Know: 020327 ------------------------------------ A horseshoe for a
full-grown Clydesdale measures more that 22 inches from end to end and
weighs about five pounds. It is more than two times as long and four
times as heavy as a shoe worn by a riding horse.
More education means
longer life. Death rates are lower among college graduates than among
people who did not complete high school.
White mustard seeds are used
to make yellow mustard; the color comes from turmeric. Spicy mustards are
concocted from brown mustard seeds.
Tuberculosis is one of the
world's oldest diseases. Some ancient mummies found in Egypt and Peru had
tuberculosis.
From YOU The Reader's Dept.: Chicago Cubs were first MLB
team. --Bobjr VaBchVA
*grin* It makes people wonder! ~AIKEN~
How "Not" To Get Shot By Police
Recently, in an area on the West Coast,
an inordinate number of police-officer-involved shootings have taken place.
As a result, several suspects have been fatally injured. Newspapers in the
area, quoting local "community activists," have editorialized that, with all
these shootings by police, "any citizen" could find himself dodging police
bullets, for no apparent reason at all! Responding to the newspaper
editorial, a Deputy District Attorney, who is obviously community minded,
submitted a five point plan. The plan is designed to assist citizens, who
might otherwise be randomly shot by police, in staying out of the path of
police bullets. The newspaper never printed it, but I thought you might
appreciate it, even if they didn't.
"I've devised a five point plan to
help citizens avoid being shot by police. This plan may not prevent all
shootings, but very few will take place when the plan is rigorously adhered
to. So, here are the rules:
1. Don't commit violent crimes. I
know this seems elementary, but this rule is lost on many. They do
the crime, get shot, and then wonder how it could possibly happen. They
whine that it is so unfair. Well, violent crime, like jumping in front of
moving cars, is just a high risk occupation.
2. If you ignore
rule No. 1, and the police do confront you, Don't run away from them. I
know it's hard to believe, but that may make them think you're guilty of
something. Hiding in bushes or closets makes some cops very nervous. They
might even foolishly conclude that you're up to no good!
3. If you
disregard rules 1 and 2, and the cops catch up with you anyway and inform you
that you are under arrest, Don't make fast movements with your hands. I know
it sounds silly, but grabbing a shiny beer can or a dark colored wallet may
make police officers mistakenly believe that you are about to hurt
them.
4. If you disregard rules 1, 2, and 3, and manage to get what
looks like a deadly weapon into your hands, Don't point it at the cops. We
all know that you're basically a nice person, but that may be lost on the
police officers confronting you. In their paranoia, they may even believe
they need to protect themselves.
5. If you disregard rules 1, 2, 3,
and 4, Don't be astonished if the cops do not instantly turn into your
personal confidante. They may be too preoccupied to realize that you're
normally a splendid person and that you're just having a bad day. They may
be too preoccupied to see that when you point a weapon at them in a
threatening manner, it is just your way of crying out for help. We both know
that the whole problem can be traced to the fact that your mother didn't
breast feed you, but some police officers are so cynical they just don't see
it.
So, there you have it. If you really apply yourself and obey even
some of the rules listed above, I bet you'll avoid the vast majority of
police gunfire.
Cheri Lewis Deputy DA Los Angeles, California
I don't know if there is such a person as
Cheri Lewis But if it fits, Print it I always say.
David 1
An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a persistent pain in his leg
and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks out his leg, but
can't find anything wrong, so he gives the old man a full physical exam, and
still can't come up with any possible explanation for the pain.
The
doctor hands the patient his bill and says, "I'm sorry, but the pain in your
leg is simply caused by old age; there's nothing I can do about
it."
The old man replies with a look of disbelief, "That's
impossible! That can't be!"
The Doctor says, "What do you mean? I'm
the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it's NOT old
age?"
The patient answers, "I'm no doctor but it doesn't take a
medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you're
mistaken. After all, my other leg feels just fine."
"So what?" says
the doctor "What difference does that make?"
"Well, it doesn't hurt a
bit, and it's the SAME AGE!"
Archaeology Chips From Westpac ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
German
scientists dug 50 meters down and discovered small pieces of copper. After
studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient
Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone net.
Naturally,
the Russian government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own
scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down they found small pieces of
glass and they soon announced that the ancient Russians 35,000 years ago
already had a nation- wide fiber net.
American scientists were
outraged by this. They dug 200 meters down & found absolutely nothing.
They happily concluded that the ancient Americans 55,000 years ago had
cellular telephones.
Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants.
One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful. To determine the exact
quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked
the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce. As both attorneys
checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly
announced, "There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor." His attorney
advised him to plead guilty.
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Today's thought is: 020327 .we do not always like what is good for us in this
world. --Eleanor Roosevelt
Today will call each of us to make our
particular contributions to the moment. There is no guarantee that we will
enjoy every experience, but we can be certain each one of them will teach us
something we're ready to learn because "when the student is ready, the
teacher appears."
Little reflection is necessary for us to realize that
our most troubling times have generally been responsible for our greatest
growth. Our achievements are always accompanied by periods of
frustration, occasional loss of direction, even momentary despair
because the actual results miss the mark of our hopes. However, the
passage of time makes clear that these actual results benefit us far more
than those we'd hoped for.
Our personal vision is narrow and limiting.
We can't really imagine what's in store for us. The most we can do is trust
that our experiences have our best interests in tow.
I'll remember:
Today I'm a student and my experiences are my teachers.
* * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * Today's meditation comes from the book The
Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg copyright 1983,
1991 available through our online bookstore at: http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=1045
Stupid News
The German government has ruined a man's life because,
having the same name as a man who died in the Concorde disaster, they
have officially listed him as being dead.
So they, among other
things,
· Seized his savings, · Froze his bank account, ·
Cancelled his driving license.
And because he couldn't pay is ex-wife
her maintenance payments, she has taken him to court.
So, can't
he just go to court to get the issue resolved by proving he's
alive?
Nope, he tried this. Court officials have refused to proceed
because ... you guessed it ... he's officially dead!
But there is
some promise. He started getting his mail delivered again.
Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as
both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of
course, no one pays the least bit of attention." - Anonymous
A harried driving instructor came home from work, kicked off his shoes, and
fell into a chair. "I'm thinking of taking six or seven of my students to
England," he said. "What on earth for?" his wife asked. "It might make
them feel good to see what it's like to drive on the left side of the
road-legally."
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What
does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
Truck Driver, Priest and the Lawyer
A truck driver used to amuse
himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the
road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would
swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would
swerve back on the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along he
saw a priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good deed, so he
pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going,
father?"
"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the
priest.
"No problem, father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the
truck."
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the
truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver spotted
a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit
him.
But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him,
so at the last minute he swerved back onto the road, narrowly missing the
lawyer. However, even though he was certain that he missed the lawyer, he
still heard a loud "THUD."
Not understanding where the noise came
from he glanced in his mirrors, and, when he didn't see anything, he
turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, father. I almost hit that
lawyer."
"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"
Louisiana Law
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South
Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the
other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer
drove up onhis tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and
you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best
trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you
and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you
don't know how we do things in Louisiana. We rule ourselves under the Napoleonic
Code. We settle small disagreements like this with the Louisiana Three Kick
Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Louisiana Three Kick
Rule?" The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick
me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed
contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide
by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and
walked up to the city feller.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work
boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees where he immediately
vomited.
The geezer's second kick nearly ripped the man's
nose off his face.
The barrister was flat on his belly when the
farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his dark heart,
vengeful will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now
it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up.
You can have the duck."
[||||] S L I C E O ' L I F E [||||]
John Wayne
Bobbitt, victim of that 1993 midnight circumcision at the hands of then wife
Lorena, has I doed in Vegas with 31 year old Joanna Ferrell. (LA Daily
News)
How much you bet she drives a used car with a taped gear shift
lever?
[||||] B E E R T O W N B U S T [||||]
A Milwaukee pedophile
was nabbed after he sought advice from Dear Abby who immediately turned his
letter over to the proper authorities. (US News)
If he'd signed
his name as a priest, he'd have just been reassigned to a fresh parish.
Basketball legend Magic Johnson wants to be elected mayor of LA.
Mr.
Johnson said, "I'm going to run because the city needs a new voice, a new
vision, and I think that I could do the job. And I would run for the people,
not for me. It would be for the people of Los Angeles."
Johnson, 42,
who is now a sports commentator. He retired from basketball in 1996.
Did Ya Know Or Do Ya Care?
Gorillas purr just like cats!
Linda meets up with Jill as she is picking her car up from the
mechanic.
Linda asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"
Jill
replies, "Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to
rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was
blinker fluid."
The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before
he dropped exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall
cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You
must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so
exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer
broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
The times on this one are 213 seconds for 28K modem,
127 seconds for 56k modem & 58 seconds for cable/dsl
