Click here for prev. issues of the newsletter. Just click a date when you get to the menu.
By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
[||||] C H U M P C H A N G E [||||]
The tab for posting a
First Class missive will spike to 37 cents come July. (AP)
Postal
poobahs cite the increasing cost of pepper spray.
Puerto Rican Pork Roast by request
3 pounds bone-in pork roast 1 dash
hot pepper sauce 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce 1 (5 ounce) jar
stuffed green olives 3 ounces sliced pepperoni sausage 4 cloves garlic,
sliced salt and pepper to taste 3/4 cup water
********************************************************************
Rub the roast all over with salt and pepper, hot pepper sauce and
Worcestershire sauce. Let marinate in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees Using a small boning knife, carefully poke
holes about 1 inch deep and 1 inch apart all over the roast. While making
each cut twist the knife and insert a drop of hot sauce, wedge of pepperoni,
garlic sliver and one olive into each cut. Place roast in a roasting pan
and pour in the water. Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes per pound or until an
internal temperature of 160 degrees is met. Remove from oven, tent with foil
and let roast stand for 10 minutes before carving.
Green Bean Salad with Chicken submitted by Susan
cherry tomatoes, halved
( 1 cup ) - red lettuce leaves - fresh parsley ( 2 Tbsp ) vinegar ( 2
Tbsp) olive oil( 1 Tbsp) 1 clove garlic, minced dijon mustard (1
tsp) salt(1/2 tsp) granulated sugar (1/4 tsp) coarsely ground black
pepper (1/4 tsp) finely chopped red onion( 1/2 cup) green beans (1 lb)
cooked chicken (8 oz
) ***************************************************************** In
large bowl, whisk together vinegar, oil, garlic, mustard, salt, sugar and
pepper. Add onion and toss well. Set aside. In large pot of boiling salted
water, cook beans for 5 to 7 minutes or until beans are tender crisp. Drain
and refresh under cold water. Pat dry. Add to bowl. Cut chicken into
strips; add to bowl along with tomatoes; toss. Serve on lettuce lined plates;
garnish with parsley. Makes 4 servings.
Diabetic Pineapple Upside-Down Cake submitted by Susan
1 can (14 ounces)
unsweetened crushed pineapple in juice, undrained 1/4 cup pecan pieces
(optional) 2 tablespoons lemon juice 1-3/4 teaspoons Equal for Recipes
or 6 packets Equal sweetener 1 t cornstarch 4 tablespoons margarine, at
room temperature 3-1/2 teaspoons Equal(r) for Recipes or 12 packets Equal
1 egg 1 cup cake flour 1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2
teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/4 teaspoon ground
nutmeg 1/8 teaspoon ground ginger 1/3 cup
buttermilk ************************************************************* Drain
pineapple, reserving 1/4 cup juice.
Mix pineapple, pecans, 1 tablespoon
lemon juice, 1-3/4 teaspoons Equal for Recipes or 6 packets Equal sweetener
and cornstarch in bottom of 8-inch square or 9-inch round cake pan; spread
mixture evenly in pan. Beat margarine and 3-1/2 teaspoons Equal(r) for
Recipes or 12 packets Equal sweetener in medium bowl until fluffy; beat in
egg. Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda and spices in small bowl.
Add to margarine mixture alternately with buttermilk, 1/4 cup reserved
pineapple juice and remaining 1 tablespoon lemon juice, beginning and ending
with dry ingredients. Spread batter over pineapple mixture in cake
pan. Bake in preheated 350ºF oven until browned and toothpick inserted in
center comes out clean, about 25 minutes. Invert cake immediately onto
serving plate. Serve warm or at room temperature.
Fruit Cocktail Cake by request 1 cup all-purpose flour 1 cup white sugar
1 egg 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 (16
ounce) can fruit cocktail 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
*********************************************************************
Preheat oven to 350 Lightly grease one 9x9 inch square baking pan.
Combine the flour, white sugar, egg, baking soda, vanilla and undrained
fruit cocktail. Mix until blended. Pour batter into the prepared pan and
sprinkle the top with the brown sugar. Bake at 350 for 40 minutes or until
golden brown and firm.
Risk.pps, ya need that reader I told ya about for this one
Did Ya' Know: 020326 ------------------------------------ The World's 10 Longest
Rivers
Length in km
1. Nile
(North-East Africa) (6,695)
2. Amazon (South America) (6,516)
3. Chang Jiang (China) (6,380)
4. Mississippi - Missouri (U.S.A.)
(6,019)
5. Ob-Irtysh (Russia) (5,570)
6. Yenisei-Angara
(Russia) (5,550)
7. Yellow River (Huang He) (China) (5,464)
8. Zaire (Congo) (4,667)
9. Mekong (Asia) (4,425)
10. Amur
(Russia) (4,416)
This site from the Center for Disease
Control and Prevention provides addresses and price information for
obtaining vital records from all 50 states as well as Puerto Rico, Guam, and
the Canal Zone. How to Obtain Birth, Death, Marriage, and Divorce
Certificates. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/howto/w2w/w2welcom.htm
That
Chevy Jeff Gordon races looks a bit like one in the dealer's showroom, but
here are the particulars:
Model: Monte Carlo Sticker price:
$135,000 Hood: $10 to $15 million for logo placement and
sponsorship Underhood: V-8 engine, 750+ horsepower Fuel: Super-Duper
Premium Unleaded, 108 octane MPG: 4.5 in a 22-gallon tank Tires: $1400
for four at some 12 sets per race, filled with nitrogen instead of
air Headlights: None..decals are applied to make it look like a family
auto Doors: None..Drivers are safer without them.
Animals can
actually get jealous. Males are notoriously so, and females get that way
too. House sparrows kill the offspring of females mating with their
"husbands."
From YOU The Reader's Dept.: I think the cincinati reds
are the oldest franchise in baseball. --Don Akins
*grin* It makes
people wonder! ~AIKEN~
EMPLOYEES
Re: NEW COMPANY POLICES: SICKNESS AND RELATED
LEAVE: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to
work.
SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an
employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing
anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a
breach of employment.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for
missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or
coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the
arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the
funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow
you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early,
provided your share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your
absence.
YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However,
we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your
replacement.
REST ROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in
the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in
alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go
from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:10 to
8:20 and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to
wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies,
employees may swap their time with another coworker. Both employees'
supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now
a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3-minutes, an
alarm bell will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall
door will open.
PAYCHECK GUIDE:
The following helpful guide has
been prepared to help our employees better understand their
paychecks:
Gross Pay $1,222.02 Income Tax $244.40 Outgo Tax
$45.21 State Tax $11.61 Interstate Tax $61.10 County Tax $6.11
City Tax $12.22 Rural Tax $4.44 Back Tax $1.11 Front Tax $1.16
Side Tax $1.61 Up Tax $2.22 Down Tax $1.11 Tic Tacs $1.98
Thumbtacks $3.93 Carpet Tacks $0.98 Stadium Tax $0.69 Flat Tax
$8.32 Surtax $3.36 Corporate Tax $2.60 Parking Fee $5.00 FICA
$81.88 TGIF Fund $9.95 Life Insurance $5.85 Health Insurance $16.23
Dental Insurance $4.50 Mental Insurance $4.33 Reassurance $0.11
Disability $2.50 Ability $0.25 Liability $3.41 Unreliability
$10.99 Coffee $6.85 Coffee Cups $66.51 Floor Rental $16.85 Chair
Rental $0.32 Desk Rental $4.32 Union Dues $5.85 Union Don'ts $3.77
Cash Advance $0.69 Cash Retreats $121.35 Overtime $1.26
Undertime $54.83 Eastern Time $9.00 Central Time $8.00 Mountain
Time $7.00 Pacific Time $6.00 Time Out $12.21 Oxygen $10.02
Water $16.54 Heat $51.42 Cool Air $26.83 Hot Air $20.00
Miscellaneous $113.29 Sundry $12.09 Various $8.01 NET
PAY.......$0.02 Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to
provide a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be
directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.
HUMAN RESOURCES
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sales. Click here for More Ad
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Today's thought is: 020326 To believe in something not yet proved and to underwrite
it with our lives; it is the only way we can leave the future
open. --Lillian Smith
Today stands before us, ready for our
involvement. And it will offer us opportunities for personal growth and
occasion to help another make progress on her path to the future.
Challenges are to be expected. They further our purpose. They foster our
maturity.
How different it is, for many of us, to look forward today with
secure anticipation, to trust in what the future holds! We can still
remember, all too vividly perhaps, the darker periods in our lives,
periods that seemed to hold no promise; a time when we dreaded the
future, fearing it would only compound those awful times.
The fear and
the dread are not gone completely. They hover about us, on occasion. They
no longer need to darken all of a day, however. We can recognize their
presence as parts of our whole, not all of it. How free we are, today! Our
choices are many.
I can step toward today with assurance, reaching out to
others along the way, trusting that my accumulated steps add stability to
my future.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Today's
meditation comes from the book Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey
copyright 1982, 1991 available through our online bookstore at: http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=1076
A Pennsylvania man who cleans and reuses dental floss has been named the
Cheapskate of the Year.
Pete Norris washes a strip of floss and
sterilizes it with alcohol after each use for 14 days. He beat off
competition from a man who cools drinks cans in his toilet tank to win the
First Annual Philadelphia Inquirer Cheapskate Contest.
The newspaper
says the 300 entries had to be "eye-opening", "clever", "detailed", "morally
sound" and "legal".
Mr. Norris, 76, said, "I am a frugal flosser. I hate
to daily discard a long length of essentially unworn dental floss. So I
have devised a procedure which is 96% more cost-effective than the
standard technique. This saves me $5.06 a year."
The technique is to tie
a loop with a 10-inch piece of floss to minimize waste. After each use it's
rinsed under running water and sterilized using a small amount of alcohol
before being hung up to dry.
He also saves money by cutting his own
hair using "a series of mirrors, some scissors and various other
implements".
Other runners up include a family who plug the shower drain
and use the water to flush the toilet, and the man who goes to
strangers' funerals for the free food.
10 Creative Ways To Use Eggs On Easter:
* Paint your enemy's faces in
them and use them as voodoo puppets.
* Put one in your microwave
and watch it blow up.
* Be a scientist: test what is the lowest height
that causes an egg to smash when dropped.
* Break a couple of
eggs and put them in a plastic carrier. Hide the carrier behind your
friend's cupboard and wait for a couple of days.
* Break some
eggs and put your hands in the fluid. Pretend you are fighting with a
slime from outer space.
* Put an egg on the top of your little sister's
head and play William Tell.
* Throw eggs to people on the street
and tell them to smile because you are from Candid Camera.
*
Cook creative omelettes using caramel and chocolate sauces.
* Peel an
egg and cut the shell in two parts. Draw black dots to the outer surface
of them. Stick them to glasses and wow, you have got nice fancy glasses.
Please read. I say Amen.
Views
of a Texas Doctor
I was just reading Yahoo news and
the San Antonio Express newspaper.You know what upsets me? People
with absolutely nothing to do with their lives, so they
complain on how the U.S. is treating the prisoners or "Detainees"
from Afghanistan. Do you know why they are complaining? They see a
picture on the news or the Internet and they see someone who is
shackled and blindfolded and walking with two armed
guards behind razor wire. This picture tells them they are treated
unfairly. Here is what I see....I see a thin, sickly looking person
who under severe mental duress from being bombed, was cleaned up,
given a haircut to prevent infestation of parasites, and given new
clothes and shoes to wear. I see a person who is given three nutrious
meals per day and a bed to sleep in in a tropical climate, not the
cold desert floor of Afghanistan, eating worms, bugs, and goat. I
see a person who will be able to get relief from their pains and
illnesses without paying a dime for medical expenses. They will get
rest, educated, and their mental stress levels will have
dropped tremendously because they were taken out of a combat
area and will not be shot at again. I see these people blindfolded
and shackled behind razor wire. I have the intellectual ability
to understand why they are this way. For those that do not have
this ability, let me explain it to you. They are blindfolded to
protect OUR U.S. SOLDIERS from further harm. These people
can not plan to destroy something if they can not see it. They are
shackled because these same people have proven they will easily
give up their lives to kill just ONE AMERICAN. We are protecting
their life as well as our own. The razor wire is a mental
deterrent, just like the little alarm company warning signs most of
you out there have on your home, but don't have the actual alarm
system. You would think many times over before actually trying to
cross that razor wire.
For all of you people out there
thinking how bad these poor detainees have it under such strict
guard, you need to do a lot more thinking about other things in
your life.
I was born on September 11th, 1966, and
every birthday I have from now on will never be a happy one. Why,
do you ask? Because as I am out somewhere trying to have a nice
dinner, someone will have a candle or a ribbon or something, crying
about the anniversary of a national tragedy. And then I will think,
about how insignificant my one little birthday actually is compared
to everything else that had happened on that one day.
It boggles my mind that there are actually people out there in this
world, in leadership positions, head of companies that actually
think that we are doing something wrong when it comes to protecting
our nation and our people. These same people will be the first ones
to complain about something that happens to them when they are
vacationing outside this country. They will ask why the U.S. does
not do anything about their misfortune. These are the same people
that complain about taxes and how bad their lives actually
are.
If you receive this email, please pass it on to
everyone in your address book. I am not afraid or ashamed to speak
my peace. I am an American, my father fought for this country, and
was willing to die for it. I am a New Yorker, born and raised only
miles from New York City. I know the people, the city, and both are
changed forever. I am a doctor, I understand the pain, suffering,
and anguish they have. May God look down upon us and feel our
sorrow and pain. For only He can relieve it for us. For only He can
stop the brutality that this world holds.
Dr. Steven
Tomaselli Uvalde, Texas United States of America
Too many colleges and universities have teams that are known as the Eagles,
the Tigers, the Cougars, the Lions, the Panthers, and so forth. It is a
pleasure to discover the occasional team with an unusual name. Here's some
schools with unusual sport team nicknames:
Anteaters
University of California, Irvine
Demon Deacons Wake Forest
University
Artichokes Scottsdale Community College
(Arizona)
Zips Akron University
Ragin'
Cajuns University of Louisiana -- Lafayette
Moles
Nazareth College
Hoyas Georgetown
University
Billikens St. Louis
University
Chokers Grays Harbor College
(Washington)
Armadillos Our Lady of the Lake College
(Texas)
Fighting Camels Campbell
University
Arabs Imperial Valley
College
Gorillas Pittsburgh State University
(Kansas)
Gaels St. Mary's College
Wonder
Boys Arkansas Technological College
Hatters Stetson
College
Gentlemen Centenary College
Horned
Frogs Texas Christian University
Catamounts Western
Carolina University
Moccasins University of Tennessee at
Chattanooga
Shockers Wichita State University
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
The times on this one are 129 seconds for 28K modem,
77 seconds for 56k modem & 35 seconds for cable/dsl
