Click here for prev. issues of the newsletter. Just click a date when you get to the menu.
By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms.
Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child.
Smiling sweetly the
Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if
I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like
that."
Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say
you weren't warned."
Did Ya' Know: 020328 ------------------------------------ An academic myth
underlies the belief that everyone in the world is connected by "six degrees
of separation." The idea spread after a 1967 article in which Yale
psychologist Stanley Milgram had Midwesterners send letters to strangers
using only friends as intermediaries; on average it took five friends (six
degrees) for letters to arrive. But when Judith Kleinfeld of the University
of Alaska Fairbanks revisited the study, she found only about 30% of
letters arrived. One result stands up: A few well-connected individuals
can act as gate-keepers, passing data to the wider world. --Dan Veragano in
USA TODAY
There are more than 200 satellites orbiting earth solely
for the purpose of private communications services, including pagers,
telephones, and computers.
A male kangaroo is called a boomer, and a
female is called a flyer.
From YOU The Reader's Dept.: It may be
only semantics, but as far as I know everyone educated or not, has the same
death rate - 100%. Everyone dies eventually. As far as educated people have
longer life spans is concerned, it is not necessarily the education itself
that leads to the longer life span but rather it is due the lifestyle
resulting from the education. Better health care, better living conditions
and less dangerous occupations to name a few. I enjoy the trivia - keep
up the good work! --Peter L.
*grin* It makes people
wonder! ~AIKEN~
Stuffed Flounder
1 whole flounder 1 cup butter, divided 1/2 cup
chopped celery 1/2 cup chopped onion 3 cups chicken-flavored dry bread
stuffing mix 1 (6 ounce) can lump crabmeat 1 (4 ounce) can small shrimp,
liquid reserved 1 teaspoon Old Bay Seasoning or to taste 1 teaspoon
Cajun seasoning (optional)
**************************************************** Preheat the oven to
300 Lay the fish down dark side up. Make an incision next to the backbone on
both sides, stopping before the head and tail. Slip the knife in
between the flesh and backbone and run the knife down the ribs on both
sides of the backbone. Melt 1/2 cup of butter in a skillet over medium heat.
Saute the onion and celery in the butter until just tender. Place the
stuffing mix into a bowl, and stir the onion and celery into it along with
the butter in the pan. Mix in the crab and shrimp with their juices, adding
a little more liquid, or more stuffing to get a good consistency. Melt
the remaining butter, and brush some of it onto a cookie sheet. Stuff the
stuffing mixture into the pockets of the flounder, and place the stuffed fish
on the cookie sheet. Brush the outside of the fish with melted butter, and
season with the Old Bay and if desired, Cajun seasoning. Bake for about
25 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven, or just until the flounder flakes
easily with a fork.
Chicken Andouille Gumbo by request
12 cups water 3 pounds chicken
parts 2 tablespoons vegetable oil 1/2 cup vegetable oil 1 1/2 pounds
okra 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 1 pound Andouille sausage or ground 1
(28 ounce) can Italian-style whole peeled tomatoes 1 green bell pepper,
chopped 2 stalks celery, chopped 2 cloves garlic, minced 1 bay leaf
2 teaspoons salt 1 teaspoon dried thyme 1 teaspoon dried basil 1
teaspoon cayenne pepper 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
********************************************************** Combine
water and chicken in large pot. Bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer until
chicken is tender, about 1 hour. Using tongs, transfer chicken to strainer
and cool, saving cooking liquid. Remove meat from bones in pieces. Heat 2
tablespoons oil in heavy skillet over medium heat. Add okra and cook until no
longer sticky, stirring frequently, about 20 minutes. Stir flour and
remaining 1/2 cup oil in heavy large Dutch oven. Cook over medium heat until
deep golden brown, stirring frequently, about 6 minutes. Add 4 cups reserved
chicken cooking broth, okra, sausage, tomatoes with their juices, bell
pepper, celery, garlic, bay leaf, salt, thyme, basil, cayenne, and pepper.
Cover partially and simmer until thickened, about 1 1/2 hours. Spoon off
any fat from surface of gumbo. Add chicken to gumbo and simmer 15
minutes. (If preparing ahead, cover and refrigerate. Bring to simmer
before serving.) Mound rice in shallow bowls if desired. Ladle gumbo over and
serve.
Frozen Grape Dessert
This is a real simple recipe but everyone really
loves them and they are so refreshing. Buy lots of seedless grapes, your
choice of kind. Strip them from the branches and wash them well. Fill a
plastic bag with the grapes and just take a box of Jello-flavor is your
choice- and pour enough into the bag to coat all the grapes. Shake them
around to coat them. Stick the bag in the freezer and when frozen, they are
ready to eat. Eat them frozen. The kids love them and so do the
adults
When my friend was pregnant, she was having a hard time with the weight she'd
gained. One day her husband persuaded her to go to the beach for the day.
"There I sat, with my bulges and potbelly," she told me later, "and this
gorgeous girl, about 18 years old, walked by in a fluorescent pink micro
bikini. And I started to cry."
"When my husband asked what was wrong,"
she continued, "I said, 'Just look at that beautiful teenager. My body will
never look like that again"
"He rolled over and glanced at the girl in
pink, and--here's how I know I've married a special man--he took my hand and
kissed it. "You know what, Honey?" he said. Neither will hers."
Three citizens of the former Soviet Eastern Bloc - a Pole, a Czech, and a Jew
- were accused of spying and were sentenced to death. Each man was granted
one last wish.
"I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Pilsudski,"
said the Pole.
"I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Masaryk,"
said the Czech.
"And I," said the Jew, "want my ashes scattered over the
grave of Comrade Kosygin."
"But that's impossible," he was told.
"Kosygin isn't dead yet."
"Fine," said the Jew. "I can wait."
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BOY : Since we met,
I can't eat or drink... GIRL: Why not? BOY : I'm broke.
BOY : I
can't leave you. GIRL: Do you love me so much? BOY : It's not that. You're
standing on my foot.
BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL: No thanks, it
isn't heavy.
GIRL: Did you miss me while I was away? BOY : Were you
away?
GIRL: Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night? BOY : What
time was it?
GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love
me...
GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring? BOY : Sure,
what's your phone number?
GIRL: I think the poorest people are the
happiest. BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.
GIRL:
Darling, I want to dance like this forever. BOY : Don't you ever want to
improve?
BOY : I love you and I could die for you! GIRL: How soon?
The differences between how a woman and a man uses a drive-through
banking machine. Here is his and hers Automatic Teller Machine (ATM)
usage explained...
HIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert
card 3. Enter PIN number and account 4. Take cash, card and
receipt
HERS
1. Pull up to ATM 2. Check makeup in rear-view
mirror 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car
because you're too far from machine 6. Hunt for card in purse 7. Insert
card 8. Hunt in purse for wrapper with PIN number written on it 9. Enter
PIN number 10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes. 11. Hit
"cancel" 12. Re-enter correct PIN number 13. Check balance 14. Look
for envelope 15. Look in purse for pen 16. Make out deposit slip 17.
Endorse checks 18. Make deposit 19. Study instructions 20. Make cash
withdrawal 21. Get in car 22. Check makeup 23. Look for keys 24.
Start car 25. Check makeup 26. Start pulling away 27. STOP 28.
Back up to machine 29. Get out of car 30. Take card and receipt 31.
Get back in car 32. Put card in wallet 33. Put receipt in
chequebook 34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in chequebook 35. Clear
area in purse for wallet and chequebook 36. Check makeup 37. Put car in
gear, reverse 38. Put car in drive 39. Drive away from machine 40.
Travel 3 miles 41. Release parking brake
Groaner Chips ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man lost two buttons
from his shirt and put them in his pants pocket. But the pocket had a hole,
so the buttons fell into his shoe. Unfortunately, the shoe sole also had a
hole, so he lost the buttons.
Since pockets with holes, holes without
buttons, and shoe soles with holes are useless, the man ripped the
buttonholes out of his shirt and the pocket from his pants and tossed them in
the trash along with the soles of his shoes. After looking in a mirror at the
holes in his clothing, he decided to toss his clothes in the trash as
well.
A policeman observed all this and asked the man for identification.
The man produced a document that he was an ordained minister of the
gospel.
So, of course, the policeman promptly escorted him to a mental
institution. The minister protested violently, asking why he was receiving
such unjust treatment.
"Look, it's the best place for you now," the
policeman replied. "Anyone claiming to be a preacher, but who doesn't save
souls or wear holy clothes has probably lost his buttons."
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of Africa a
man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: "That happens in
most countries, son."
The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer
be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will
use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision: 1. There are
now more attorneys than there are rats. 2. The medical researchers don't
become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats. 3.
No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats won't do.
Think of a number.
Multiply it by 3.
Now add 5.
Take away
the number you first thought of.
Now add 7.
Subtract 2.
Add
back the number you first thought of.
Now, close your
eyes.
Dark, isn't it?
An Italian guy and a Jewish guy went out to dinner one night. They went to
a very expensive restaurant and were at the restaurant for a couple of
hours, talking and carrying on.
Finally, the waiter came over and
asked, "Who should I give the check to?"
The Italian guy said, "Give it
to me. I'll take care of everything."
"Fine," said the waiter.
The
next day the headlines read: "Jewish Ventriloquist Strangled to Death."
========================= The Thieving Joker ========================= Stolen
from: Bonehead-Of-The-Day To sign up --> http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com All
materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2002 by Jerry Lerman. All
Rights Reserved. ==================== http://www.ThievingJoker.net
====================
Bonehead award one, a "too dumb to be a criminal
bonehead award," goes to a Mentor, Ohio man who, while spray painting obscene
phrases onto the walls of a local skate park, proudly gave another park
visitor his name when asked and then posed for pictures clearly showing the
"$500 reward for vandal information" sign in the background, according
to police.
KOOI radio
------
Bonehead award three goes
to a Vancouver, Washington woman who, while addressing a Clark County
Superior Court judge to explain a late payment for her boyfriend's fine,
pulled her hands from her pocket as she began gesturing thus tossing a bag of
methamphetamine into the air, according to court officials who feel they made
a good catch that day.
Bonehead
award four goes to the Smuckers company for creating a temptation beyond the
taste of their foods.
Archer & Valerie from XHEPR-FM radio in Juárez,
Mexico wants you to know that they have been finding jars of Smuckers brand
fruit spread with mold in them at their local market because people have
been following the label directions to "look under the cap to see if
you've won" a trip to Disney World, thereby leaving all the caps
"kooshed" and everyone one else a looser.
They say "one jar we bought
had a half-inch of mold growing on it."
Archer & Valerie XHEPR-FM,
Juárez, Mexico
Italian police forced a driver to search a half-mile stretch of roadway for
three hours for a cigarette he flicked out his window. He was fined about $15
since he never found his butt.
Bonehead award four goes to all those people who buy the "Original Hollywood
Celebrity Diet Juice."
The following interview comes from the Gene
Weingarten column in the Washington Post:
Weingarten: I see that you
say you can lose up to 10 pounds in two days by drinking this juice, but when
you read the fine print, it tells you not to consume food or alcohol during
the two days. Is that right?
Kim (at customer service):
Correct.
W: So basically, you are promising that if you starve yourself
totally for two days, you will lose weight?
Kim: It's also working to
burn fat while you are fasting.
Today's thought is: 020328 There are many realities. We should remember this when
we get too caught up in being concerned about the way the rest of the
world lives or how we think they live. --Natalie Goldberg
One of
the most elusive truths we'll ever struggle to grasp is that everyone has a
unique perspective about every circumstance, a perspective that reflects a
personal understanding of the universe. We never doubt that truth for
ourselves, of course. We simply fail to acknowledge that it's true for
everyone else too.
There are times we can't shake the need to be right;
our egos seem to depend on it. Unfortunately, we can't maintain any real
peacefulness if we are always in conflict with others who have their own
viewpoints. Winning the "battle" then becomes a painful victory. Believing
in valid, separate realities is only difficult at first. But like any other
opinion or attitude, it can become habit with enough practice. We have
nothing to lose by giving it a try.
I don't need everyone to agree with
me today. I only think I do.
4 cups fat-free milk 2
cups quick-cooking rolled oats 1/4 teaspoon salt 6 tablespoons brown
sugar, divided 1 cup low-fat French vanilla yogurt 2 bananas, peeled and
thinly sliced
************************************************************** Combine
milk, rolled oats, and 2 tablespoons of the brown sugar in a large saucepan
and mix well. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Continue to cook, stirring
constantly for 1 minute. Spoon 1 cup of the oatmeal into 4 dishes
ovenproof bowls. Press the oatmeal down with the back of a spoon to spread
it evenly over the bottom of the dish. Top each serving with 1/4 cup of
the yogurt, spreading it evenly over the entire surface. Arrange 1/2 of a
sliced banana evenly over the top of each serving and then sprinkle each with
1 tablespoon of the remaining brown sugar. Arrange the dishes on a baking
sheet or in a large baking pan and place under a preheated broiler until the
sugar starts to bubble and turn dark, about 1 to 2 minutes. Serve
immediately.
Quick and Easy Glazed Ham Slices
1/4 cup packed brown sugar 1 and 1/2
t flour 1/2 t ground mustard 2 Tbls. ginger ale 1 Tbls. vinegar 2
Fully cooked ham slices (1/2-inch thick and 1/2 to 3/4
lbs.) *********************************************** In a large skillet,
combine brown sugar, flour, mustard ginger ale and vinegar. Bring to a boil
over low heat; cook and stir for 2 minutes or until sugar is dissolved and
sauce is thickened. Add ham slices and heat through.
Asian Pudding with Fruit
2 TBLSPNS water 1 envelope unflavored
gelatin 1/2 cup sugar 1-1/4 cups cold water 3/4 cup evaporated
milk 1 Tbls almond extract 1 (15 oz.) can mandarin orange segments
(drained) 1 (15 oz.) can pineapple tidbits
(drained) ***************************************************** In a small
bowl, combine 2 TBLSPNS water and gelatin; let stand 1 minute to soften. In a
small saucepan, combine sugar, 1-1/4 cups water, milk and softened gelatin;
cook and stir over medium-high heat until mixture boils. Remove from heat;
stir in almond extract. Pour mixture into ungreased 8-inch square baking
dish. Refrigerate about 2 hours or until mixture is set. To serve, cut
pudding into 16 squares. Spoon orange segments and pineapple into 8 small
bowls; top each with two pudding squares. Makes 8 servings.
Did Ya' Know: 020329 ------------------------------------ How did a Mexican
general help to bring chewing gum to the U.S.A.? Santa Anna, who defeated
Texans at the Alamo, later sought exile in New York. With him he brought a
chunk of chicle, a tree product that Mexicans had chewed since ancient
times. Santa Anna showed it to an inventor friend, who eventually marketed
this chewing gum to Americans.
An adult female ladybug will eat about 300
medium-size aphids before it lays eggs. About three to ten aphids are
eaten for each egg the beetle lays. More than 5,000 aphids may be eaten by a
single adult in its lifetime.
The wettest spot in the U.S. is Mount
Waialeale, on the Hawaiian island of Kauai; it receives about 480 inches
of rainfall every year. In contrast, Death Valley, California, receives
only 1.5 inches annually.
In 1909 Orville Wright set a record for the
longest airplane flight. Orville was testing the Army's first airplane
and kept it aloft for 1 hour, 12 minutes and 40 seconds over Fort Myer,
Virginia.
*grin* It makes people wonder! ~AIKEN~
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
The times on this one are 189 seconds for 28K modem,
112 seconds for 56k modem & 52 seconds for cable/dsl
