Click here for prev. issues of the newsletter. Just click a date when you get to the menu.
By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
[||||] V A L E T V A L I U M [||||]
Federal Customs
agents discovered a tunnel dug by drug smugglers that extended from the
Mexican border to Nogales, AZ passing directly under the Agency's parking
lot. (USA Today)
Big mistake charging the agents $8 an hour for
underground parking.
Asian - Style Cherry Buns Ingredients for 20 Servings
16 oz package
hot roll mix 1/2 cup Ground turkey 1/2 cup Chopped onion 1TBLSPN
Vegetable oil 1 cup Chopped Northwest fresh sweet cherries 1/2 cup
Chopped water chestnuts 2 TBLSPNS Each soy sauce and packed brown sugar
1 t Worcestershire sauce 1/2 t Each garlic salt, ground ginger and
cornstarch 2 TBLSPN Honey 1 TBLSPN Lemon juice
****************************************************************** Prepare
hot roll dough according to package directions. Stir-fry turkey and onion in
oil until turkey is browned and onion softened; stir in cherries, water
chestnuts, soy sauce, sugar, Worcestershire sauce, garlic salt, ginger and
cornstarch. Remove from heat and cool to room temperature. Cut dough
into 20 pieces. Flatten into 4-inch rounds. Place 1 tablespoon filling in
center of each; gather edges and seal. Place sealed-side down on greased
baking sheet. Bake at 350F 12 to 15 minutes or until golden brown.
Combine honey and lemon juice; brush on hot rolls. Nutritional Analysis
Per Serving: 123 CaL, 4.7 g pro., 4.0 g fat (29% Cal. from fat), 17.3 g
carb., 0 mg chol., 1.0 g fiber and 287 mg sodium
Country Casserole
Serves 6-8 1 1/2 cups milk 1- 8 oz. pkg.
Philadelphia cream cheese, cubed 1/4 cup (1 oz.) grated Parmesan
cheese 1/2 tsp. onion salt 1/4 tsp. oregano, crumbled 1- 7 oz. pkg.
spaghetti, cooked, drained 1- 10 oz. pkg. frozen peas, cooked,
drained 1- 7 oz. can tuna, drained, flaked 1- 3 oz. can sliced
mushrooms, drained 1 T. chopped pimientos 1 T. chopped
onion ------------------------------ Heat oven to 350F. Heat milk &
cream cheese over low heat, stirring until smooth. Add Parmesan cheese,
onion salt, & oregano; mix well. Add remaining ingredients;
mix. Place in 2 quart casserole; cover & bake at 350F, 20 minutes.
Marshmallow Dip Sticks
2 cups milk chocolate chips 1 cup peanut
butter 10 oz. bag marshmallows chocolate sprinkles round decorative
toothpicks waxed paper
************************************************** Insert toothpicks into
marshmallows to act as a popsicle-type stick. Dip top of marshmallow into the
peanut butter. Set aside on waxed paper lined plate. Melt chocolate chips
in the microwave, on stove top, or in a double boiler until melted. Do not
overcook! Dip peanut butter end of marshmallow into the melted
chocolate, and then immediately dip into the chocolate sprinkles. Place
on waxed paper to cool. Cautionary tip: Use rounded toothpicks when working
with, or making these for, small children. You may also replace the
tootpicks for lollipop or ice cream sticks.
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific
mean to make terrible?
THE LOVE FLUTE
A Dakota Myth as told by
Paul Goble
A long time ago, there lived a young man who was very shy.
He was brave in battle, and led the buffalo hunt with courage, yet when
it came to speaking his love to the girl he wanted to marry, he was too shy
to speak. He would stand helplessly, his eyes cast to the ground, while
other young men stood with their courting blankets outside the teepee of the
girl's father.
The young man thought about the girl day and night. In his
dreams she was still there before his eyes, yet even in his dreams he
lacked the courage to tell her of his love.
He watched her from a
distance when she fetched water from the river, and his heart was heavy when
he saw the other young men who talked to her so easily, whistled to her
to gain her attention, and in a hundred ways vied for her love. The young man
was sure that the girl did not notice him
One day, his heart aching,
he left the camp and wandered alone. In despair he drew his bow and without
a thought he let fly an arrow into the air.
To his amazement the
arrow stayed aloft. It seemed to him that the arrow pointed ahead. He
followed the direction of the arrow and found that it moved ahead at a steady
pace which he could follow. He followed the arrow all day, and when
evening came the arrow fell to earth beside a stream.
He slept beside
the stream, and in the morning shot another arrow into the sky. Again the
arrow stayed aloft, and led him on. That evening it, too, sank to earth
beside a stream. This continued for a total of four days.
On the
fourth day the young man slept at the edge of a forest. In that half-dream
state between waking and sleep, two Elk Men appeared to him, and told him
that they had come to help him. "We have come to give you this flute", one
said, and when he blew into the flute he carried, the sound was so beautiful
that even the forest stood breathlessly listening.
The Elk Man told
him, "This flute is made from the wood of the cedar, because cedars grow
where the winds blow. The flighty Woodpecker made these finger holes in the
flute with his beak."
The other Elk Man told him "All the birds and
animals helped to make this flute, and their voices sing within it. When you
play this flute for the girl you love, all our voices sing with you. Your
music will speak the words of love that your voice alone cannot."
Then
the Elk Men were gone, but there, lying on sage leaves, was the flute. The
young man set off towards his home, his heart light. He played the flute as
he walked, and the cranes joined in his song. For four days he walked,
playing his music, and listening to the sounds of the animals and birds. He
imitated the sounds of the animals on his flute, and from those sounds
he made melodies
As evening drew near on the fourth day, he reached
the hill above his camp. There he paused to play his flute, and the sounds of
the beautiful music he made carried into the camp and thrilled the
heart of every woman there.
But one woman, the girl he loved, knew
that the music spoke straight to her heart. The girl left her teepee and
joined the young man on the hill. She listened to the words of love
that his music spoke more eloquently than his voice could express. "I love
you. I love you."
And together they stayed ever after.
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you
are expected to give -- which is
everything."
~Anonymous~
A KITCHEN TIP OR TWO.....
Hardened cheese can be softened by soaking it
in buttermilk.
To strain broth, pour it through a clean coffee
filter so you get a broth that is clear.
To remove the grease from
soups or stews, place a sheet of waxed paper or plastic wrap directly
onto the top of the liquid before refrigerating it. Once it has cooled
thoroughly, peel off the waxed paper and the grease will peel off with it.
Once bananas are ripe, store them in the refrigerator to help slow
down ripening. The skin will turn dark brown, but this does not damage the
fruit inside.
THE WIT WIZARD savagely exposes America's frauds, fools, freaks &
foibles, harpoons the hypocrites and punctures the pompous with biting
social satire daily or weekly...
An EzineADventure AD. Click here - Get Your FREE Ads NOW!
POINTS TO PONDER.....
Women should not have children after
35. Really.....35 children are enough.
I am a nobody, nobody is
perfect, therefore I am perfect.
I married my wife for her looks.....but
not the ones she has been giving me lately.
I gave my son a broad
hint. On the door to his room I hung a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18"
If
carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the
highway?
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a
decimal point somewhere in it.
The next time you feel like
complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal eats better than 30% of the
people in the world.
Travel is very educational. I can now say
"Kaopectate" in seven different languages.
SNOW PEA
The fact that this legume is entirely edible accounts for
its French name, mange-tout, or "eat it all." Its almost translucent,
bright green pod is thin and crisp. They are available year-round with peak
season in the spring and fall. Choose crisp, brightly colored pods with
small seeds. Refrigerate in a plastic bag for up to 3 days. Both tips of
a snow pea should be pinched off just before using.
In a small
bowl whisk together the vinegar, oil, and salt and pepper to taste. In a
large saucepan of boiling salted water cook the green beans for 4 minutes,
add the snow peas, and cook the vegetables for 30 seconds. Drain the
vegetables, transfer them to a bowl of ice and cold water to stop the
cooking, and drain them. Pat the vegetables dry between several thicknesses
of paper towels and in a bowl toss them with the sunflower seeds and the
dressing.
DIABETIC DELIGHTS.....
GOLDEN POTATOES
6 medium potatoes 1/4
cup grated Parmesan cheese 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 1 tsp garlic
salt 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 tsp ground black pepper 1/2 cup butter or
margarine
Combine first 5 ingredients in a large heavy-duty,
zip-top plastic bag. Cut potatoes lengthwise into fourths; add to bag,
and shake gently to coat. Set aside. Place butter in a 15- x 10- x 1-inch
jellyroll pan; place pan in a 425 degree F. oven until butter melts. Add
potato to pan, and return to oven. Baker 30 minutes, turning once. Serves
6.
Nutritional Information Per Serving: Calories 267; 5 g protein; 26
g carb;44 mg cholesterol; 745 mg sodium; 2 g fiber Exchanges: 1 1/2 Starch, 3
Fat
The Little House Behind Our House
One of my bygone recollections, As I
recall the days of yore Is the little house, behind the house, With the
crescent over the door.
'Twas a place to sit and ponder With your head
bowed down low; Knowing that you wouldn't be there, If you didn't have to
go.
Ours was a three-holer, With a size for every one. You left
there feeling better, After your usual job was done.
You had to make
these frequent trips Whether snow, rain, sleet, or fog- To the little
house where you usually Found the Sears-Roebuck catalog.
Oft times in
dead of winter, The seat was covered with snow. 'Twas then with much
reluctance, To the little house you'd go.
With a swish you'd clear the
seat, Bend low, with dreadful fear You'd blink your eyes and grit your
teeth As you settled on your rear.
I recall the day Granddad, Who
stayed with us one summer, Made a trip to the shanty Which proved to be a
hummer.
'Twas the same day my Dad Finished painting the kitchen
green. He'd just cleaned up the mess he'd made With rags and
gasoline.
He tossed the rags in the shanty hole And went on his usual
way Not knowing that by doing so He would eventually rue the
day.
Now Granddad had an urgent call, I never will forget! This
trip he made to the little house Lingers in my memory yet.
He sat down
on the shanty seat, With both feet on the floor. Then filled his pipe with
tobacco And struck a match on the outhouse door.
After the Tobacco
began to glow, He slowly raised his rear: Tossed the flaming match in the
open hole, With not a sign of fear.
The Blast that followed, I am
sure Was heard for miles around; And there was poor ol' Granddad Just
sitting on the ground.
The smoldering pipe was still in his mouth, His
suspenders he held tight; The celebrated three-holer Was blown clear out
of sight.
When we asked him what had happened, His answer I'll never
forget. He thought it must be something That he had recently
et!
Next day we had a new one Which my Dad built with ease. With a
sign on the entrance door Which read: No Smoking, Please!
Now that's
the end of the story, With memories of long ago, Of the little house,
behind the house Where we went cause we had to go!
Anonymous
My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just before school that she
needed to take a clean tee shirt to class. She told us the teacher was going
to iron an anti-drug message on it. My wife frantically swept through my
daughter's room, finding only one tee shirt that already had something
printed on one side. She sent it off to school with my daughter. That
afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her shirt. On one
side it said, "Families are Forever." And on the other side, "Be Smart,
Don't Start."
During a pre-employment physical a fellow from Texas was asked by the doctor
about the scars on his scalp, shoulders and back. The young man replied,
"Oh, that was when I was working on a ranch and ah got drugged." Naturally
the doctor became somewhat alarmed and wanted more details after hearing
that. The fellow said, "Well ... weren't much to it, ya see.... My horse,
he bolted, and as I fell off, I got my foot caught in the stirrup and I was
drugged.
COW PATTIES
2 cups sugar 4 tbsp cocoa 1 stick of butter 1/2 cup
milk 1 tsp vanilla 1/2 cup peanut butter (or 1 cup chocolate or
butterscotch chips) 2 1/2 cups rolled oats
Bring first 4 ingredients
to a rolling boil for exactly 1 1/2 minutes. Remove from heat and add other
ingredients. Quickly spread on either waxed paper or greased cookie
sheet. Allow to cool and then cut into squares.
"The pain of loss upon a death, Takes all your heart and
part of your breath."
--Bree Schultz--
Classified ad in the Ashtabula, Ohio, STAR-BEACON: "To the woman
who purchased our 1987 Honda: You have the title and the keys, but
you forgot the car! Collect your abandoned vehicle, or it will
be removed."
I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper. I read one
this morning. It said, "Whats the worst thing a wife can get on her
twenty fifth wedding anniversary?"
And you know what the answer is?
"Morning Sickness."
========================= The Thieving Joker ========================= Stolen
from: Bonehead-Of-The-Day To sign up --> http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com All
materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2002 by Jerry Lerman. All
Rights Reserved. ==================== http://www.ThievingJoker.net
====================
Bonehead award two goes to the woman who called the
IRS tax hotline "to ask if she could deduct the cost of her daughter's
wedding. She said it was a casualty loss because she didn't like the man
her daughter married."
Seattle Times via the Michael Kesterton column
in the Globe and Mail (Toronto)
------
Bonehead award three
goes to a Los Angeles Attorney who has had a $500,000 sanction imposed
against him for
1. Filing a lawsuit against the Mattel toy company
claiming that several Barbie dolls infringe a copyright by the maker of the
USC cheerleader doll, Claudine, even though the Barbie dolls were
sold well before Claudine was created, and who
2. When shown the
evidence that the Barbies predated Claudine by having the copyright stamps on
the dolls themselves shown to him, proceeded to throw the Barbie dolls around
the room.
The judge called it, ".acrimonious litigation and such
egregious conduct."
The question remains, has this attorney only
succeeded then in convincing Mattel that it ought to sue the makers of
Claudine for copyright infringement? Sounds like they look a lot like a
Barbie.
LA Daily Journal via the Steve Harvey column in the LA Times
------
Speaking of courtroom antics, bonehead award four goes to
a St. Louis man, an accused drug dealer, who told the judge that his name
is copyrighted and he is to be paid $500,000 each time his name is used in
court.
"I am far from crazy," says Frederick R. James. "You do not have
my permission to use my name without compensating me," he told the
judge.
The judge is considering an appropriate compensation.
Boudreaux been fishin down by de bayou all
de day and he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout redeye to leave when
he seed a snake wit a toad frog in hits mouth. He knowed that dem big
bass fish likes toad frogs so he dun decided to steal that froggie.
That snake, hit be a cottn mouthed water moccasin so'd he have to be real
carefull like or he'd git bit.
He snuk up behind de snake and grabbed him
roun de haid. That ole snake di'nt lik hit one bit. He commemced to squirm'n
an wrapped itself around Boudreaux's arm try'n to get free, but Boudreaux,
him had a real good grip on his haid, yea.
Well Boudreaux pried hit's
mouth open and got de frog and put's it in his bait can. Now Boudreaux knows
that he cain't let go of de snake or hit's goin' ta bite him good, but he had
a plan.
He reached into de back pocket of'n his bib over-hauls and pulls
out a pint o' moonshine likker. He pours a couple of draps inta de
snakes mouth.
Well that snake's eyeballs roll back in hits head and
hits body goes limp. Wit dat Boudreau toss's duh snake inta da crick then he
goes back tuh fish'n.
A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumptin tapp'n
on his barefoot toe. Well, he slowly look down and dare be dat water
mocassin, and he gat two toad frogs in his mouth.
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
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