Click here for prev. issues of the newsletter. Just click a date when you get to the menu.
By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
A tourist in Canada celebrated the 4th of July by getting stone drunk. He
became obnoxious and disorderly, and was hauled into court for disturbing the
peace.
"How do you plead?" the Judge asked.
"Not guilty!" replied
the accused.
"How can you plead 'not guilty. You're drunker than
a skunk." the judge said.
"Well, you see, it's like this, your honor.
I was only following orders. When I got into town, there was this big sign
that said, DRINK CANADA DRY. And that's what I did."
( I guess he
could celebrate July 4th but July 1st is the holiday in Canada)
That he was a wealthy American tourist was obvious. On his arrival at a small
Irish hotel the tiny reception area became full in an instant. Not only were
there suitcases, but also golf clubs, golf shoes, golf umbrellas and several
boxes of balls.
"Surly now, Sir," cried the manager eyeing the baggage
with alarm, "there must be some mistake. We've no golf cource you see and
you'll be finding there's not one with in miles of the place."
"Well
now, that's no problem", drawled the tourist. "I'm having one sent over with
my heavy baggage."
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating
ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow
near her castle. A frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said: "Elegant
Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon
me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young
Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping
in yon castle, with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my
clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night, while dining on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a
white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: "I
don't think so!"
"Under all speech that is good for anything there lies a silence that is
better. Silence is deep as eternity; speech is shallow as time." -
Thomas Carlyle
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse
yells at him, "Hey! Come over here buddy!"
The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the
horse is standing and asks, "Were you talking to me?"
The horse replies, "Sure was. Man, I've got a problem. I won
the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this stupid farmer bought me. Now all
I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and
offer him $5,000 to buy me. I'll make you some money cause I can still
run."
The jogger thought to himself, "Boy a talking horse!" Dollar
signs started appearing in his head. So he runs to the house to where the old
farmer is sitting on the porch. The jogger yells to the farmer, "Hey old man,
I'll give you $5,000 for that broken-down old nag you've got in the
field."
The farmer replies, "Son, this has happened before. You can't
believe anything that darn horse says. He's never even been to Kentucky."
Doug and Tammy were expecting their first child and had a basic question to ask
their Doctor ... Their Doctor was an old timer and had been around the block
a few times... and by this time had probably heard everything! Doug turned
to the Doctor and asked, "So Doc, is there a time when...errr
we...errr....hmmmm...should....you know....stop doing it?" To which the
Doctor replied, "Sonny, as long as you don't get in my way in the delivery room,
I don't care!"
Special note for Did ya know & Thought for the day readers
you can get the ones that you missed from the website. The dates that you missed I think
are 020410 - 020425 on both of them, Sorry about that
David 1
Did Ya' Know: 020426 ------------------------------------ The Pig said
what?
In America the pigs sound is interpreted as "oink,
oink".
However, elsewhere in the world it is heard as...
"kryoo, krool" - Russian "groin, groin" - French "grunz! -
German "neff, neff" - Swedish "hulu, hulu" - Mandarin Chinese
"rok, rok" - Serbo-Croatian "buu, buu" - Japanese "crum, crum"
Poland "ood, ood" - Thai "hrju, hrju" - Ukrainian "ut, it" -
Vietnamese
The only piece of American art displayed in the Louvre
in Paris is a painting commonly called Whistler's Mother. Painted in
1871 by James Abbott McNeill Whistler, the painting's real name is
"Arrangement in Grey and Black."
Don Foster, ace word snoop, consultant
to the FBI, and professor of literature at Vassar College, marshaled
persuasive evidence that the beloved American poem "A Visit From St.
Nicholas" had been writted not by Clement Moore, the strait-laced BIBLE
teacher, but by bon vivant Henry Livingston, Jr.
*grin* It makes
people wonder! ~AIKEN~
This is from Bree, it's a note that she does for her readers that just gives them a glimps
of her & her family & extended family ( note her critters )
Any way this one was just too good to pass up so here ya go.
It's been kind of quiet here on the canal the past few days. The weather has
been drizzly off and on and the winds are from the East or Northeast so no
fish have been jumping. The trees are all leafed out and the grass is growing
and SEEDING already. That makes for many hours of sneezing and a running
nose, but this too shall pass. We had a bit of excitement the other day here
though. The hubbitt was busy stacking some wood near the boat ramp where he
had turned our small boat upside down after washing it out. Somebody
"Upstairs" was watching over him because as he reached for a piece of
wood a snake raised his head up beside the boat about 4 feet from the
hubbitt's hand!! He hollered for me to get a rake (Yeah, right!!) and I
thought he wanted me to try to move the snake in a certain direction. Not
THIS gal, mister!! But all he wanted me to do was make some noise so the
snake would come out from under the boat where it had hightailed to. He
got a shovel and then overturned the boat. Nasty big sucker that snake
was.....all 4 feet of angry water moccasin!! I say "was" because after the
snake started moving aggressively towards the hubbitt (causing a few quick
Texas 2-steps from the man) he managed to get him up on the grass and
immediately cut the "business end" off the creature. Yuck!! The darn
thing squirmed around in the grass...beheaded... for a long time. I think I
will buy myself a drum so I can make LOTS of noise when I get close to the
boat ramp for awhile!!
Be safe and God bless,
Bree
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NIGHT WATCH
Author
unknown
"Your son is here," the nurse said to the old man. She had to
repeat the words several times before the man's eyes opened. He was heavily
sedated and only partially conscious after a massive heart attack he had
suffered the night before. He could see the dim outline of a young man in a
Marine Corps uniform, standing alongside his bed.
The old man reached
out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's
limp hand and squeezed gently. The nurse brought a chair, and the tired
serviceman sat down at the bedside.
All through the night, the young
Marine sat in the poorly lighted ward, holding the man's hand and
offering words of encouragement. The dying man said nothing, but kept a
feeble grip on the young man's hand. Oblivious to the noise of the oxygen
tank, the moans of the other patients, and the bustle of the night staff
coming in and out of the ward, the Marine remained at the old man's
side.
Every now and then when she stopped to check on her patients,
the nurse heard the young Marine whisper a few comforting words to the
old man. Several times in the course of that long night, she returned
and suggested that the Marine leave to rest for a while. But every time,
the young man refused.
Near dawn, the old man died. The Marine
placed the old man's lifeless hand on the bed and left to find the nurse.
While the nurse took the old man away and attended to the necessary
duties, the young man waited.
When the nurse returned, she began to offer
words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.
"What was that
man's name?" he asked.
Startled, the nurse replied,"Don't you know? He
was your father."
"No, he wasn't," the young man said. "I've never seen
him before in my life."
"Then why didn't you say something when I
took you to him?"
"I knew there had been a mistake by the people who sent
me home on an emergency furlough. There were two of us with the same name,
from the same town and we have similar serial numbers. They must have
sent me by mistake," the young man explained.
"But I also knew he needed
his son, and his son wasn't there. I could tell he was too sick to know
whether I was his son or not. When I realized how much he needed to have
someone there, I just decided to stay."
"Not he who has much is rich, but he who gives
much."
~Anonymous~
A KITCHEN TIP OR TWO......
Aged cheeses are low in moisture and can be
frozen without much change in flavor or consistency. Thaw frozen cheese
in the refrigerator for 24 hours or more before using.
Sour milk is a
good substitute for buttermilk in recipes. To make sour milk, add 1
tablespoon vinegar or lemon juice to a 1-cup liquid measuring cup, then add
enough milk to make 1 cup.
When using refrigerated or thawed frozen egg
product in place of eggs in recipes, remember that you need 1/4 cup egg
product for each egg called for in the recipe.
For best results in
baked foods, choose a margarine that contains at least 60 percent vegetable
oil. Most light spreads only contain 40 percent and will make the dish
watery. (This is all too true with the fat content in MILK, also.....I just
made some Cow Patties using 1% milk and they wouldn't set up hard like
they should, but the batch made with 2% were just right. (Diets aren't nice
sometimes for baking!!)
REMEMBER YESTERYEAR.......
Back in the days when Paul Lynde was King of
the "Hollywood Squares" TV show, and Charley Weaver was among the guests,
there was always some snappy answers to be heard...
According to
Movie Life Magazine, Ann Margaret would like to start having babies soon,
but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why? PAUL LYNDE: He's out of
town. ~~~~~~ What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that other cattle
aren't? PAUL LYNDE: They give milk...and cookies, but I don't recommend
the cookies. ~~~~~~ Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly
believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two
occasions. What are they? CHARLEY WEAVER: His feet. ~~~~~~ Before a
cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important.
What? PAUL LYNNE: An engagement ring? ~~~~~~ If you're going to make a
parachute jump, you should be at least how high? CHARLEY WEAVER: Three
days of steady drinking should do it. ~~~~~~ True or false: Many people
sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas. PAUL
LYNDE: Yes. We call them winos.
And one of *MY* personal
favorites.....
Do female frogs croak? PAUL LYNDE: Only if you hold
their heads under water.
OKRA
Ethiopian slaves brought the okra plant to America's South,
where it's still popular today. Although available fresh year- round in
the South, the season for the rest of the country is from about May through
October. When buying fresh okra look for firm, brightly colored pods under 4
inches long.Larger pods may be tough and fibrous. Avoid those that are dull
in color, limp or blemished. Refrigerate okra in a plastic bag for up to
3 days. Canned and frozen okra is also available. Fresh okra contains fair
amounts of vitamins A and C.
This recipe, surprisedly enough, comes from the Punjab Restaurant on Neal
Street Covent Garden London
FRIED OKRA
3 tbsp vegetable oil 1
large onion, cut in half, thinly sliced 1 pound okra, tops trimmed, washed
and patted dry 1 large tomato, coarsely chopped 1 tsp cayenne pepper
2 tbsp ground cumin 3 garlic cloves, finely chopped salt to
taste freshly ground black pepper to taste
In a medium heavy skillet,
heat the vegetable oil over medium high heat. Add the onion and cook until
golden brown. Add the okra, tomato, cayenne, cumin and garlic. Continue
frying while gently turning the vegetables. Cook until the okra is tender
and most of the liquid has been reduced. Season well with salt and freshly
ground black pepper. Serve immediately. Serves 4.
CRAZY>>CRAZY>>CROOKS......
At a Walmart in Grand Rapids MI. a
man took a pair of blue jeans which were on sale for $9.92 and put them on
leaving his old jeans and the tags from the new jeans behind-- with
$12.00 in the pocket. ~~~~~~ In Gastonia, North Carolina a small band of
robbers traveled to the neighboring city of Charlotte to rob an armored
truck. The group was successful and made off with over a half million
dollars. The friends decided that with their new found wealth, they no
longer belonged in a trailer park. The group then went and purchased a
$500,000 house -- with cash. They were quickly
apprehended. ~~~~~~ After representing himself in court and twice winning
acquittals on charges of writing worthless checks and assault, Reinero
Torress Jr., of Sebring, Florida, lost a third case. He was convicted of
theft---- for having stolen law books from the court house library to
prepare his defense for the first two cases. ~~~~~~ Mrs. Hollis Sharpe was
walking her poodle, one night on a Los Angeles street when she was attacked
by a mugger, shoved to the ground, and forced to hand over her purse. No
doubt congratulating himself on his easy mugging, the mugger ran off.
Unfortunately for the mugger, inside Mrs. Sharpe's purse was just one item:
a plastic bag she had just finished using to scoop up after her poodle.
(he must have thought, "What a "poopie" day!!)
"404"
It is said, "To err is human," That quote from
alt.times.lore, Alas, you have made an error, So I say, "404."
Double-check your URL, As we all have heard before. You ask for an
invalid filename, And I respond, "404."
Perhaps you made a
typo-- Your fingers may be sore-- But until you type it right, You'll
only get 404.
Maybe you followed a bad link, Surfing a foreign
shore; You'll just have to tell that author About this 404.
I'm
just a lowly server (Who likes to speak in metaphor), So for a request
that I don't know, I must return 404.
Be glad I'm not an old
mainframe That might just dump its core, Because then you'd get a ten-meg
file Instead of this 404.
I really would like to help you, But I
don't know what you're looking for, And since I don't know what you
want, I give you 404.
Remember Poe, insane with longing For his
tragically lost Lenore. Instead, you quest for files. Quoth the Raven,
"404!"
Anonymous
DIABETIC DELIGHTS.....
It's that time of the year....barbecues and
picnics. I know, being married to a diabetic and on the Weight
Watcher's program myself, how hard it is to find that little extra flavor
to go with the scrumptious foods tempting all of us. Here is a recipe
that ANY diabetic or person watching their diet can use to get the "zing"
out of barbecuing with no guilt!!!
Barbecue Sauce
4 tbsp tomato
paste 1 tbsp dehydrated onion flakes 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce 1 tsp
lemon juice 1 tsp salt 1 tsp minced garlic Dash cayenne pepper 1 cup
sugar free cola
In a small saucepan, mix ingredients in order listed.
Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes. Makes 6 servings.
Serving size: 3 tablespoons.
Nutritional Information Per Serving:
Calories 11;less than 1g fat; 2.5 g carbohydrate Exchanges: Free Food
(LOVE those words!!)
"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first
day of registration. "He's a magician," said the new boy. "How exciting.
What's his best trick?" "He saws people in half." "How impressive! Now, do
you have any brothers or sisters?" "Yep...one half brother and two half
sisters."
BANANA SCHNITZLES
4 ripe but firm bananas 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unflavored bread crumbs 1 large egg 2 tablespoons milk
1/4 cup confectioners' sugar 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon vegetable
oil for frying
Preheat oil to 365 degrees in a deep fryer or skillet.
Make sure the oil is at least 3/4-inch deep.
Place the flour and
breadcrumbs on separate plates. In a medium bowl, mix together the egg and
milk. Cut bananas diagonally into 3/4-inch-thick-slices. Dredge individual
pieces of banana in the flour and shake off the excess. Dip into the egg
mixture to coat, then dredge in bread crumbs. Working in small batches, fry
the bananas for 3 minutes on each side, or until golden brown. Remove from
the oil with tongs and drain well on paper towels. Mix together the
confectioners' sugar and cinnamon, and dust liberally on the schnitzels.
Serve while they are still hot. Great with ice cream or hot chocolate
sauce!!
This is the transcript of the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship
with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.
Canadians:
Please divert your course 15 degrees South to avoid a
collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees
North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to
divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a
collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR
course.
Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS LINCOLN, the
second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic Fleet. We are
accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support
vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees North, I say again,
that's one-five degrees North, or counter-measures will be undertaken
to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse.
Your call.
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
The times on this one are 207 seconds for 28K modem,
123 seconds for 56k modem & 57 seconds for cable/dsl
