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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
Today's thought is: As we enter into a new day, let's consider what we are
carrying that does not belong. Have we really freed ourselves from the
burdens and cares of yesterday? Or are we carrying them like dead weight
into today? Have we let go of pointless anger? Have we tried to forgive and
forget? Or are we still cluttered with fear and frustration and
resentment?
Yesterday has forever passed, and tomorrow will forever
elude us. Today is the only day we have.
Today, I will try to start
fresh, free of the burdens of yesterday. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* Today's meditation comes from the book Help for Helpers by copyright
1989 available through our online bookstore at: http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=7810
Stolen from: FarmJokes.com To sign up --> http://www.farmjokes.com [Copyright
1997-2001 FarmJokes.com / The Humor Network LLC] [All Rights
reserved.] ==================== http://www.ThievingJoker.net
====================
A few years ago, my high school sweetheart and I
connected again after many years and a few bad marriages. Things were still
great between us and we starting dating again. During the first month, we
visited one of his sisters who lived in the country (the family of 6 kids
grew up way out in the country, while I'm a city girl). After the visit,
my then-boyfriend (now husband) heard the call of nature and decided
to answer it on the country lane. We were in the Kansas Flinthills
where the hills are just small enough not to give you airsickness and
large enough to hide a car or truck for a few moments. As luck would
have it, the traffic was sparse. As he's standing next to the closed
truck door, his head is constantly swiveling from side to side checking
for traffic. When it looks like he's almost finished, I decided to
honk the horn (without him seeing me). I've never seen anyone move so
fast! Fortunately, he didn't hurt himself. Unfortunately, he wasn't
quite finished. He thought he had missed a car traveling one way while
he was looking the other! When he realized whose horn was honked,
I thought I'd choke from the laughter at the look of disbelief on
his face! His innocent, sweet girlfriend had an ornery streak.
Obviously, he's gotten me back in other ways since then but we both still
laugh and are thankful that he didn't zip too fast!
A Belgian driver, 82, who wrongly believed he was on the right side of the
motorway caused six accidents.
The pensioner told police he was convinced
everyone else was wrong as he drove eight miles (12.8 kilometres) along the
wrong side of a ring road.
My boyfriend and I met online and we'd been dating for over a year.
I introduced Hans to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met
over the Internet. He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up.
Ever the geek, Hans naively replied, "I just used a regular 56K
modem."
[Contributed to Reader's Digest by Anne McConnell.]
Stolen from: Bonehead-Of-The-Day To sign up --> http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com All
materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2002 by Jerry Lerman. All
Rights Reserved. ==================== http://www.ThievingJoker.net
====================
Two Tampa Bay, Florida, men (our first bonehead
award winners) suffered burns, bruises, ear drum damage and destroyed their
car when the 10 balloons they had filled with highly explosive acetylene (as
in "acetylene torch") for a Fourth of July party exploded after
having been taken into their car with them.
Bonehead
award two to goes David S. Wollard, a Rockledge, Florida man, arrested for
emailing a fake threat against Patrick Air Force Base to the Pentagon with
the sender of the email displayed as, amazingly, David S. Wollard, according
to police who went to David S. Wollard's house.
He says he sent it to
see if the system works so he must be happy.
Bonehead
award three goes to all those people who made it necessary for a company
which manufacturers gas cylinders for campers, to put a warning on the
cylinders telling people not to flush the metal cylinder down the
toilet.
New Scientist
------
It only took a couple of
plastic spoons for two inmates in the new Brownsville, Texas, $19 million
maximum-security prison to escape. They used the plastic spoons to pick the
lock.
And what said County Commissioner Carlos Cascos?
"Spoons?
Imagine what they can do with a fork."
Turns out that the lack of
deadbolt locks on some doors has been known to be a problem for some time but
was never corrected. Also, the sheriff's office forgot to notify the police
of the escape.
A minister and his wife sued a guide-dog school for $160,000 after a blind
man learning to use a seeing-eye dog trod on the woman's toes in a shopping
mall. Southeastern Guide Dogs Inc., a 13-year old guide-dog school and the
only one of its kind in the Southeast, raises and trains seeing-eye dogs at
no cost to the visually impaired. The school is located about 35 miles
south of Tampa. The lawsuit was brought by Carolyn
Christian and her
husband, the Rev. William Christian. Each sought $80,000. The couple filed
suit 13 months after Ms Christian's toe was stepped on and reportedly broken
by a blind man who was learning to use his new guide dog, Freddy, under the
supervision of an instructor. They were practicing at a shopping mall.
According to witnesses, Ms Christian made no effort to get out of the blind
man's way because she "wanted to see if the dog would walk around me".
(Source: ATRA http://www.atra.org and
Houston Chronicle, 95-10-27) {Sometimes you get what you darn well asked
for!}
Sunday School Chips ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The teacher asked
the children in the Sunday School class, "If I sold my house and my car, had
a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into
Heaven?"
"NO"! the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church
every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get
into Heaven"? Again, the answer was "NO"!
"Well," the teacher
continued, "then how can I get to Heaven?" In the back of the room, a 5 year
old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead
On doctor's orders, Melling had moved to Arizona. Two weeks later, he was
dead. His body was shipped back home, where the undertaker prepared it for
the services.
Melling's brother came in to make sure everything was
taken care of. "Would you like to see the body?" the undertaker
asked.
"I might as well take a look at it before the others get here."
The undertaker led him into the next room and opened the top half of
the casket. He stood back and proudly displayed his work.
"He looks
good," the brother said. "Those two weeks in Arizona were just the thing for
him."
Famous Last Words
** I'll get a world record for this..
** It's
fireproof.
** He's probably just hibernating.
** What does this
button do?
** I'm making a citizen's arrest.
** So, you're a
cannibal.
** It's probably just a rash.
** Are you sure the power
is off?
** Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of
it?
** The odds of that happening have to be a million to
one!
** Pull the pin and count to what?
** Which wire was I
supposed to cut?
** I wonder where the mother bear is.
** I've
seen this done on TV.
** These are the good kind of mushrooms.
**
I'll hold it, and you light the fuse.
** Let it down slowly.
**
Rat poison only kills rats.
** Just take whatever you want, this is
a ghost town.
** It's strong enough for both of us.
** This
doesn't taste right.
** I can make this light before it
changes.
** Nice doggie.
** I can do that with my eyes
closed.
** I've done this before.
** Well, we've made it this
far.
** That's odd.
** You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses
on, would you?
** Don't be so superstitious.
** Now watch
this.
** What duck?
The boss called one of his employees into the office.
"Rob," he said,
"you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room,
one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after
that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four
short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for me
to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to
that?"
"Thanks," said the employee.
"Thanks?" the boss replied.
"Is that all you can say?"
"I suppose not," the employee said. "Thanks,
Dad."
THE WIT WIZARD savagely exposes America's frauds, fools, freaks &
foibles, harpoons the hypocrites and punctures the pompous with biting
social satire daily or weekly...
An EzineADventure AD. Click here - Get Your FREE Ads NOW!
Police in Colorado have arrested a man who fell asleep on a bedroom
furniture display.
Officers in Glenwood Springs say he lay down in
We-B-Beds after doing his shopping falling into a deep sleep.
The
store staff couldn't wake him and called police, who discovered he had an
outstanding warrant for contempt of court.
They arrested him and he's
being held in the county jail.
WANTED: AMERICANS TO ROOT OUT LOCAL TERRORISTS
Since the Taliban
cannot stand nudity and consider it a sin to see a naked woman that is not a
wife, this Saturday afternoon at 2:00 pm Eastern time, all North American
women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out
any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is
recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All men are to position
themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they think it's
okay to see other women nude. And since the Taliban also does not approve of
alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your
anti-Taliban sentiment.
The United States of America appreciates your
efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation. God Bless
America! Come on guys, get out there and support the gals as they root
out the terrorists hiding in YOUR neighborhood.
Conversation Heard on Noah's Ark:
10. "Hey, there are more that two flies
in here!"
9. "I finally get a bass boat and now I have to take the whole
family..."
8. "Wasn't someone supposed to put two shovels on
board?"
7. "Help! I need some Pepto for the elephants--QUICK!"
6.
"OK, who's the wise-guy who brought the mosquitoes on board?"
5. "Don't
make me pull this Ark over and come back there!"
4. "No, Ham, you cannot
eat the pig!"
3. "And whatever you do, DO NOT pull this plug
out."
2. "Nice doggie!"
1. "Are we there yet?"
Did Ya know Or Do Ya Care? 020709
Monkeys don't get fleas.
10 days after my one-year-old's photo shoot, I returned to the studio to
view the pictures on a color monitor.
The photographer started describing
the merits of each photo, but as he went through the set, he spoke so
quickly that I couldn't get a word in as he pressed home his sales
pitch.
Finally, after we'd seen all 20 poses, he asked me which ones I
was most interested in.
"None," I replied. "This isn't my child."
BLT Salad
1/2 head lettuce -- or more, cut in bitesize pieces 2
tomatoes -- diced 3/4 pound bacon -- diced 3 slices bread -- toasted and
cut into 1" squares 1/2 cup mayonnaise 1/2 teaspoon
dillweed ***************************************************************** Dice
and drain tomatoes. Fry bacon until crisp and drain. Let bacon cool and
mix with lettuce, mayonnaise and dillweed. Chill. Just before serving mix in
toasted
bread. **************************************************************** NOTES
: These measurements are all approximate. This is low carb if you use a bread
like Oroweat Lite Wheat Bread which s 5.5 gr. per slice. You could omit the
bread, but it comes out to only about 8 grams of carbs per serving.
Cheesy bread pudding recipe
1/2 cup butter or margarine 10 slices
white bread cut into 1-inch cubes 3 cups shredded Cheddar cheese 2 cups
milk 3 eggs, separated 1/2 tsp salt 1/2 tsp dry mustard 1/2 tsp red
pepper ******************************************************************** Melt
butter; add bread cubes, stirring until coated. Add cheese and stir well.
Combine milk, egg yolks, salt, mustard, and pepper; beat well. Pour over
bread cubes. Beat egg whites (at room temperature) until stiff but
not dry; fold into the bread mixture. Spoon into a lightly greased
12x8x2-inch baking dish. Cover and chill overnight. Bake, uncovered, at
325 degrees for 30 minutes or until set.
Did Ya' Know: ------------------------------------ Thinking of retiring
but don't want to pay a fortune in taxes? Seven states have no personal
income tax, five have no sales tax, and roughly 36 don't tax Social
Security checks. Scott Salmon of KPMG says New Hampshire, South Dakota, and
Tennessee top the list of the most tax-friendly states. If you want the
sun too, Florida and Texas come close.
In creating his paintings and
sketches, John James Audubon refused to use stuffed models. Instead, he
used real birds that had been freshly killed and wired into
natural-looking poses. To keep his models fresh, he was known to shoot
dozens of birds per painting.
Blood races through the human arteries
at 3 feet (90cm) a second.
*grin* It makes people
wonder! ~AIKEN~
HANDY HOUSEHOLD HINTS.......
If your toilet ball float is leaking and
filling with water here is a useful trick to tide you over until you can get
a new one. Take off the float (by unscrewing it), empty it, then screw it
back on and wrap it in a plastic bag.
Avoid wearing yellow anywhere
where there are annoying and biting insects as it attracts
insects.
And for those who camp a lot in the summer....Matches can be
waterproofed by dipping the heads in candle wax. A box of matches can last
twice as long by slicing each match lengthwise in half.
One of the
neatest tricks I have EVER seen....If you have scuff marks on vinyl, take a
rubber sole shoe (tennis shoes) wipe across it and it will come
off....presto!!
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
The times on this one are seconds for 28K modem,
seconds for 56k modem & seconds for cable/dsl
