Click here for prev. issues of the newsletter. Just click a date when you get to the menu.
By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
Today's tip will make your artificial flowers look like real
ones...
:-)
If you
have a bouquet of fake flowers and they look a little too "stiff," Take the
flowers and hold them over steam for a few seconds. This will soften them up
and give them a more realistic look. Use a pot of water, tea kettle or even a
facial steamer if you like to steam
them...
Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a
community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between
my younger and older students.
My observations were confirmed the day
a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia
volumes stacked on a bookshelf.
"What are all these books?" he
asked.
Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were
encyclopedias.
"Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole
thing?!?"
Useless Inventions, by Stumpy Q. Peterson the 3rd
* Anklet wristwatches
for contortionists.
* Battery powered battery charger.
* Braille
Drivers' Manual
* Braille TV guide.
* Braille TV remote
control.
* Brown underwear . * Checkered paint.
* Dehydrated
water.
* Double-sided playing cards.
* Ejector seats for
helicopters.
* Fireproof cigarettes.
* Flame-retardant
gasoline.
* Flashbulb tester.
* Flavored suppositories.
*
Kickstand for a tank.
* Laundromat in a nudist colony.
* Lie
detectors for politicians.
* Low-calorie PowerBar.
* Motorcycle
seat-belts.
* Open Toed Safety Shoes.
* Reduced calorie
water.
* Remote control for a computer.
* Solar powered
flashlight.
* Solar powered night light.
* Sugar coated
insulin.
* Tire chains for motorcycles.
* Waterproof sponge.
A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for
her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight
machines that tells your fortune. So, she thought to herself
"I'll
give it a try just to see what it tells me."
She went over to the machine
and put her nickel in, and out came a card that said, "You're a nun you weigh
128lbs and you are going to Chicago,Illinois."
She sat back down and
thought about it. She told herself it probably tells everyone the same thing,
but decided to try it again. She went back to the machine and put her nickel
in.
Out came a card that read, "You're a nun, you weigh
128lbs.you're going to Chicago, Illinois and you are going to play a
fiddle."
The nun said to herself, "I know that's wrong, I have
never played a musical instrument a day in my life." She sat back down.
From nowhere a Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down next to her. The
nun picked up the fiddle and started playing beautiful music. Startled, she
looked back at the machine and said, "This is incredible. I've got to try it
again."
Back to the machine.She put her nickel in and another card
came out. It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs, you're going
to Chicago, Illinois and you're going to break wind."
Now, the nun
knows the machine is wrong; "I've never broken wind in public in my whole
life!" Well, she tripped, fell off the scales and broke wind.
Stunned,
she sat back down and looked at the machine.She said to herself, "This is
truly unbelievable! I've got to try it again." She went back to the machine,
put her nickel in and collected the card. It said,
You
ready?
"You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs, you have fiddled and
farted around and missed your flight to Chicago!!!!!!"
Two smart fellows were in an English pub. They
called the publican over and asked him to settle an argument.
'Are
there two pints in a quart or four?", asked one.
"There be two pints in a
quart, confirmed the publican.
They moved back along the bar and soon the
barmaid asked for their order.
"Two pints please, miss, and they are
on the house."
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous so
one of the fellows called out to the publican at the other end of the bar,
"You did say two pints, didn't you?"
"That's right, he called back,
two pints."
After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they
might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph
came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad
news.
"We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid," the
doctor told Ralph in a quiet, somber voice.
Ralph looked at Lena, and
with a soft trembling voice, he said, "But doctor, she's so young. She's only
45."
"37," came the weak reply from Lena.
Rest not! Life is sweeping by; Go and dare before you die. Something
mighty and sublime Leave behind to conquer time. --Goethe, German poet
and scientist
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does NOT mean to stand by the
President or any other public official save exactly to the degree in which he
himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as
he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to
the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to
stand by the country. --Theodore Roosevelt
Don't forget until too late that the business of life is not business, but
living. --Bertie Charles Forbes, Publisher
So you think you know what most computer acronyms really mean? Think again.
CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months IBM I Blame
Microsoft, I Bought Macintosh PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer
Industry Acronyms ISDN It Still Does Nothing APPLE Arrogance
Produces Profit-Losing Entity DEC Do Expect Cuts CA Constant
Acquisitions OS/2 Obsolete Soon Too, SCSI System Can't See
It DOS Defunct Operating System BASIC Bill's Attempt to
Seize Industry Control WWW World Wide Wait
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner Mom & Pop
grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The
grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a
lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to
wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very
powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might
even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the
detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to
talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back
in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was
doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be
an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell
you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied,
"I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it
then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle!"
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Finding one of her students making faces at the others on the playground,
Mrs. Smith stopped quickly to reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher
said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it
would freeze and it would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied,
"Well, Mrs. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Toddler Property Laws
1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If it's in my
hands, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it
a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be
yours in any way. 6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are
mine. 7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine. 8. If I think it's mine,
it's mine. 9. If it's brocolli....it's YOURS.
Hey all don't forget to check out the main site
or the
msn site's message boards !
You can find some great Top ten list in Entertainment,
or Dear Abby is starting back up, Sports,
Headline reports, stock info., & a lot more, NOTE: some of this is only availible on the main site.
Today's thought is: 020712 Trying to ignore our worries only pushes them
underground.
Pretending we are not anxious when we are is a tactic that
fools no one, especially not ourselves, Attempting to deny or repress our
fears and worries does not work. The result is often depression or a
physical ailment, indicating that in our sub-conscious, we know very well
that something is wrong.
The rigorous honesty of the Twelve Step way
of life saves us from playing destructive games with ourselves. A worry that
we can define and examine in the light of day is far less threatening than
one we are trying to hide.
So let's ask ourselves what it is we fear.
If our worry is a rational one, we need to decide what we can do to prepare
for the worst-case scenario. If the worry is irrational, we need to figure
out how to get rid of it. But, no matter whether a worry is rational or
irrational, we can't turn it over until we acknowledge we have it. Getting
our worries out in the open and talking about them with people whose
judgment we trust keeps us grounded in reality.
If I am worried about
something today, I will consciously examine it so that I can resolve
it. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Today's meditation comes from
the book Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L. copyright 1990 available through
our online bookstore at: http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=5071
PUBLIC STATION HIT BY TRANSMITTER GREMLIN Trust me. There's nothing worst
than working for a radio station that can't seem to get the transmitter to
work. You can have millions of dollar worth of studio equipment, the best
disk jockeys, access to great network programming and a top-notch record
library, but if the throw the switch and the transmitter won't turn on, you
might as well go home. That's what's happened in Kansas City, Mo., this
week, where engineers at public station KCUR-FM (89.3) have had to go
dark because of technical problems. The station's program director, Bill
Anderson, tells the Kansas City Star that he thinks "the tower got fried."
That's not an uncommon occurrence in "tornado alley" where communications
towers are constantly the target of lightning. Meanwhile, the station --
licensed to the University of Missouri-Kansas City -- is off the air, which
is giving the staff an unexpected vacation. That might not be a bad idea ...
all things considered.
A HOLIDAY THESE FOLKS WILL REMEMBER When 66-year-old Nancy Williams set out
from Raleigh, Tenn., to see the fireworks this past week, she didn't know she
would end up in a highway soap opera. As told by the Commercial Appeal,
Williams -- along with her husband, her daughter and two grandchildren -- had
driven into Memphis and parked in a high-rise garage to do some shopping
before moving on to watch the fireworks. It was only when they attempted
to get their car out of the garage that they realized that the exit was
blocked. It seems that everyone wanted to leave the 550-car-plus structure
at the same time. Now many of us are used to being caught in
traffic jams, but usually outside. Williams tells the publication that
she was forced to sit on an exit ramp for two hours, waiting for the
single-file line of exiters to go through the toll booth. When she finally
got to the head of the line she was charged $7, for her intended short stay
and the time spent in line. She wasn't the only irate driver. The
publication says there was a near-riot in the garage. At one point several
motorists called 911 to try to get the line moving. The problem remained,
the garage had only placed one attendant at the gates and he was
dealing with all 550 cars.
WILLIAM'S DEATH PROMPTS FREEZE DEBATE There is new debate about cryonics, the
freezing of the death for possible later "resurrection," in the wake of
the death of baseball icon Ted Williams and reports that he is being put
on ice. The Arizona Republic, in a major treatise on the subject, says that
many "common people" have opted for cryonics after death instead of burial or
cremation. The publication looks at the Phoenix-area owner of an
upholstery chain, Dave Pizer. He paid $120,000 a decade ago to get things
ready for the time when he hangs up the tack hammer for the last time and
will enter his own private Ice Age. The process involves submerging a
person's corpse in a tank of liquid nitrogen, then keeping it at sub-zero
temperatures until someone decides you're ready for the "big thaw." Some
feel that with the passage of time scientists will be able to revive frozen
"patients" and heal their ailments and let them live again.
This Week's NFL Transactions 020712
Cincinnati Bengals --
Released wide receiver Darnay Scott.
Denver Broncos -- Signed linebacker
Jude Waddy.
Green Bay Packers -- Signed safety Marques
Anderson.
Kansas City Chiefs -- Signed tight end Ryan Collins to
a two-year contract; signed cornerback Brandon Godsey.
Philadelphia
Eagles -- Signed running back Brian Westbrook to a three-year
contract.
Seattle Seahawks -- Signed quarterback Jeff Kelly;
signed defensive tackle Robert Bernard.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers -- Signed
free agent cornerback Terrell Buckley, who had been with the New England
Patriots, to a one-year contract.
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
The times on this one are 225 seconds for 28K modem,
133 seconds for 56k modem & 61 seconds for cable/dsl
