Click here for prev. issues of the newsletter. Just click a date when you get to the menu.
By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
A little woman called Mount Sinai Hospital.
She said, Hello, darling, I'd
like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your
patients. But, I don't want to know if the patient is getting better, or
doing like expected, or worse. I want to know all the information from top to
bottom, from A to Y !'
The voice on the other end of the line said,
"That's a very unusual request....What is the patient's name and room number
? "
She said, 'Yes, darling! I'd like to know the information about
Sarah Finkel, in Room 302.'
He said, 'Finkel, Finkel. Let me see.
Feinberg, Farber, Finkel. Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact,
she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just
came back as normal, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a
couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going
to send her home Tuesday at twelve o' clock.'
The woman said, 'Thank God!
That's wonderful! Oh, thank God! Her test came back normal, she's getting off
the heart machine in a couple of hours you say. Oh! that's fantastic,
darling! And she is being released tomorrow at twelve o'clock! I'm so
happy to hear that! . . . That's wonderful news!'
The man on the phone
said, 'From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a
very close friend!'
She said, 'What close family or friend? I'm Sarah
Finkel in 302 ! Cohen my doctor tells me nothing."
Two University of Michigan football players were taking an important final
exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed
to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week.
The exam was
fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a
_________." Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he
needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.
Making sure the
professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.
"Pssst.
Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"
Tiny laughed. He looked
around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to
Bubba.
"Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a
farm."
"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2
pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He
stopped.
Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny,
how do you spell farm?"
"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so
easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."
Last summer, when the power mower was broken & wouldn't run, I
kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow
the message never sunk in.
Finally I thought of a clever way to
make the point. When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated
in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. He watched silently for a short time, then went into the house.
He was gone only a few moments, and when he came out again he handed me a
toothbrush.
"When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might
as well sweep the sidewalks."
Two Tennessee men were starting a round of golf together. On the first
tee, the first guy smacked a beautiful drive down the center of the
fairway. With a smile, he picked up the tee and walked to the
cart.
The second guy cranked another good drive down the center of
the fairway, Pleased, he hopped in the cart.
When they arrived to
the golf balls, they noticed that they were 10 yds apart.
"That's
mine up there" said the first guy pointing to the ball closer to the
green.
"No way, I outdrove you easily" said the second guy. Before you
know it, fists were flying. After a brief scuffle, the second guy stopped
and said, "I know how we can solve
this problem!"
"How?"
"We will get the clubhouse pro
out here!"
Sure enough, they drove back to the clubhouse and got
him, dragged him out to the fairway. Studying the situation for a few
minutes the pro finally said, "I know to solve this!"
"How" said the
first guy?
"Yeah, How" yelled the second.
Replied the pro, "Who's
hittin' the yellow ball?"
A man bumps into a friend and sees that his friend's car is a total-loss
and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his
friend, "What's happened to your car?" "Well," the friend responses, "I
ran into a lawyer." "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood.
But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the
dirt?" "Well, I had to chase him all the way through the park..."
An old country farmer with serious financial problems bought a mule
from another old farmer for $100, who agreed to deliver the mule the next
day. However, the next day he drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some
bad news: The mule died."
"Well, then, just give me my money
back."
Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
"OK, then.
Just unload the mule."
"What ya gonna do with a dead mule?"
"I'm
going to raffle him off."
"You can't raffle off a dead mule!" "Sure I
can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the two met up
and the farmer who sold the mule asked,
"Whatever happened with that
dead mule?"
"I raffled him off just like I said I would. I sold 500
tickets at $2 a piece and made a net profit of $898."
"Didn't anyone
complain?"
"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars
back."
Lots of older guys are looking to marry young women. I know this one couple
in particular. He's about 60 and she is about 25. Their wedding invitation
was very appropriate too. His name was in Gothic type and her name was in
crayon.
American men, though they are hardworking, are nothing more than toy dogs of
the women, who like to spend money.and wrap themselves in a veil of
excess. --Albert Einstein
I know no method to secure the repeal of bad or obnoxious laws so effective
as their stringent execution. --Ulysses S. Grant
Of course, it all depends upon what we are praying for. If we are whimpering,
and sniveling, and begging to be spared the discipline of life that is sent
to knock some smatterings of manhood into us, the answer to that
prayer may never come at all. Thank God! . If you are not bleating to get
off, but asking to be given grace and strength to see this through with
honor, "the very day" you pray that prayer, the answer always
comes. --A.J. Gossip, Scottish Preacher
Today's thought is: 020716 Words are the voice of the heart. -
Confucius
What does my heart have to say today? Am I happy? Or am I
troubled? We will find this out if we slow down and listen to our words. We
can also hear our spirit in the tone of our words.
We are to
meditate. Meditation is about slowing down so we can hear what our spirit is
trying to tell us. Meditation is listening. Our spirit is but a quiet
whisper inside us. To hear it we must quiet ourselves.
Slowing down
allows us to find our center. As we find our center we find our spirit and
our Higher Power. Do I take the time needed to slow myself down? Do I take
the time to listen-to listen to my heart?
Prayer for the Day Higher
Power, teach me to slow down. Teach me to listen. Teach me to hear Your
whispers as well as Your yells.
Action for the Day Today, I will take
a half hour to slow down and listen. I will find a place to relax and listen
to my heart and my words. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Today's
meditation comes from the book Keep It Simple by Anonymous copyright
1989 available through our online bookstore at: http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=5066
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
The times on this one are seconds for 28K modem,
seconds for 56k modem & seconds for cable/dsl
