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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS-020721 *****************************
Today we bestow FOUR
bonehead awards!
Bonehead award one goes to a Scottish man who had to
be rescued by the coast guard during his attempt to sail the 500 miles from
Scotland to Iceland in a 4 yard long inflatable dinghy. It was only a few
hours before the dingy and the dinghy started going down.
Bonehead
award two, a "too dumb to be a criminal," bonehead award goes to an Ontario,
Canada woman who tried freeing her boyfriend from jail by showing up at the
jail pretending to be a police officer with instructions to escort him to
another facility, according to police who say she walked into the jail, not
wearing a uniform, but rather wearing jeans and a shirt.
KOOI
radio
Obvious
Bonehead award three, a "marketing as good as it gets," bonehead
award goes to the Arm & Hammer company for putting "Safe to use
around pets" on the box of their "Unscented Super Scoop ® Cat
Litter."
Is this the only good thing about the product that they could
come up with?
Thanks to reader Eric Farthing for finding this
one.
---------------------------------
Oh great. The one time
government is efficient ...
Bonehead award four, a "government as good as
it gets," bonehead award goes to UK Customs officials who seized a suspected
smuggler's passport after confiscating his 300,000 cigarettes, 595 pounds
of rolling tobacco, half a kilo of cannabis and a stun gun and
who immediately gave him a replacement passport when he called them
by phone and said he lost it.
HELP!
I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL
UNIVERSE! *************************************************
Not
today
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Make new friends
and have wonderful conversation at the Bonehead Of The Day message board!
<a href="http://bonehead.community.everyone.net">AOL
Users Click
Here</a>
"After destroying the pizza with toppings of
corn and mayonnaise, the Japanese are now looking to reinvent ice-cream, with
some interesting results -- to say the least."
Comment appearing in
the Mainichi Japanese newspaper which offered up as evidence these ice cream
flavors now available in Japan:
Two F-16 fighter jets escorted a Boeing 757 with 98
passengers and a crew to New York City's LaGuardia Airport after a passenger,
noticing that seven passengers were passing notes to each other and
changing seats, became alarmed fearing that these people might be some sort
of terrorists.
The seven passengers were members of a well-known
Indian performance group who were probably rehearsing or discussing a
performance.
FROM THE LAME EXCUSES TO LAW ENFORCEMENT FOLK
FILES ****************************************************
About 18
years ago I was a Police Officer in a small town in Southern Colorado. I
received a Dispatch call of a car running a school bus stop sign. When a
school bus loads, or off loads children, the bus extends a stop sign.. all
traffic must Stop & wait until the bus drivers continues.
I pulled
over the offending vehicle only to find an 80 year old woman who insisted
that she had stopped. She saw no other cars & continued. 4 hours later,
the DA, the Judge, three deputies & myself never did convince her that
she was wrong, after all she DID stop.
--> Are you in law
enforcement? Do you have any excuses we'd love to hear about? Send them
to: DumbExcuses@BoneheadOfTheDayAward.com
Let me know how you want the
entry credited to you, if at all.
FROM "MEN WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS"
FILES **********************************************************
One
year for my mothers birthday, my father decided to get her a chainsaw, as she
had been complaining about trees that needed to be trimmed. That same year,
for his birthday, my dad received from his lovely bride a matching washer and
dryer set!
--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all
know about? Send me an Email to
Clueless@BoneheadOfTheDayAward.com
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************
About five
years ago I had a student who thought himself very resourceful. I was at my
desk in my office one morning, preparing for an exam I was giving that
afternoon. Suddenly an email came in from this student, saying he was sick
at home and wasn't going to make it for the exam, and could he write it next
week when he was feeling better? Something had my B.S. detector going off...
I turned on the email program's option of viewing the complete set of message
headers, and noticed that even though the email appeared to come from
the student's home account, the email actually originated from one of
the labs down the hall. I went to the lab, came up behind the student
and tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around I smiled and
said he looked like he was feeling a lot better, and that I was glad
he would be able to write the exam after all. He said, "Miss, now
I *really* do feel sick!" Yeah, you should, you bonehead!
--A
college professor in Canada
-->Who do you put up with? We want
to know. Write to:
WhatIPutUpWith@BoneheadOfTheDayAward.com
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"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to
discuss it with the employees." ---Switching supervisor, AT&T Long
Lines Division
***
"English - Who
needs that? I'm never going to England!" --Homer
Simpson
***
"Husbands: a small band of
men, armed only with wallets, besieged by a horde of wives and children."
---National Lampoon, 1979
If you had bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be
worth $49.
With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original
$1000.
With Worldcom, you would have less than $5 left.
If you had
bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago,
drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit in some
states, you would have $214.
Based on the above, my current
investment advice is to stick to drinking and recycle.
Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit down and try to
talk to his wife. But as soon as he would start to say something, his wife
would say, "And just what is THAT supposed to mean?"
Thus, Webster's
Dictionary was born.
To clean grease and or sticky stuff off your hands, mix one part of
dishwashing soap with 3 parts of sugar. Use this as a hand cleaner. The sugar
will work as a scrubbing agent to remove the grease and grime and the soap
helps wash it away...
Mrs. Blonde and Mrs. Brunette were chatting over coffee.
Said Mrs.
Blonde, "I've been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from
coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or sugar, or
both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye."
Mrs. Blonde took a sip of her
coffee. "Owwwww!" she cried. "There it goes again!"
Said Mrs.
Brunette, "Betty... take the spoon out of the cup."
Microsoft today announced that it will be changing
its name to "Moft" which will clear up space on users' hard disks. It is
estimated that a typical Windows XP installation contains about 7,842,597
iterations of the word "Microsoft", in copyright notices, end-user
licence agreements, 'About' screens, as well as several multi-megabyte
files containing nothing else (the so-called ego.dll series), etc. So,
after the change, a user will have about 34 MBytes more disk space.
Stock prices of hard-disk manufacturers dipped slightly after
the announcement.
"Well, the programs will take up less space on the
user's disk," said Bill Gates, CEO of Moft. "But we have never cared about
that. The change will allow us to ship Windows XP more cheaply, thus
saving about $50 million a year in media costs. We are also looking
at shortening the names of some of our software products; for
instance 'The Microsoft Exchange' may be changed to 'The Moft Pit'.
Gates added that the junior programmer who discovered the
potential savings has been rewarded with a free copy of 'Moft Off for Moft
Win XP'.
Morris a devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences on
uncle Mendel's dairy farm
Three weeks later a cow walked up to him
carrying the Bible in its mouth. The Jewish cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes
heavenward and exclaimed, with great joy..."It's a miracle!"
"Not
Really," said the cow. "Your name it's written inside the cover."
Today's thought is: 020722 The example of good men is visible philosophy.
—English Proverb
Just as we do not live in a vacuum, untouched by
others and touching no one, so too, our efforts to maintain positive
self-esteem are not isolated or self-contained. No matter how common and
ordinary we think we are, we influence others. In ways we never notice or
intend, everything we do reaches out and touches someone. And as with all
human contact, the effect can be positive or negative.
Just think of
all the people who see us or hear us in the course of a day. As we try to
think well of ourselves and act that way, as we commit to the behaviors that
evaluate our self-esteem, we are constantly having an impact on the people
around us. Who knows the battles going on within the walled-up hearts of a
brother or sister next to us? Who knows what really lurks behind the happy
facades our fellow human beings are willing to show us? Perhaps a world of
hurt.
A smile, a word of encouragement, or a compliment may well be the
spillover of our own efforts to help ourselves. Transformed, any good we
do ourselves may become the golden key that opens a long-rusted door in
someone else's heart. We are more powerful people than we realize we are.
What we do or fail to do is important to other people as well as
ourselves.
Ordinary people often wield extraordinary influence. * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Today's meditation comes from the book
Believing in Myself by Earnie Larsen and Carol Hegarty copyright
1991 available through our online bookstore at: http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=6114
'BIOGRAPHY' AIRS SPECIAL NO. 1,000 There was a time when the popular
"Biography" series was a weekly feature on the A&E Cable Network. Then
enough shows were produced to air them on a daily basis. Finally,
the folks at A&E spun off the concept, forming a full-fledged network
devoted solely to presenting life stories. The network has now passed a
milestone. This week it presented its 1,000th biography. It featured the life
and times of rock music promoter Bill Graham. According to the A&E
Web site, Graham was the driving force behind the Fillmore club in San
Francisco and helped launch the careers of many groups, most notably the
Jefferson Airplane. Others, including the Grateful Dead, Carlos Santana, Otis
Redding and Janis Joplin, got their first exposure under Graham's
tutelage. The landmark documentary was a two-hour affair, much in the
spirit of the network's 10th anniversary special, a two-hour look at the
life of Judy Garland, some years ago.
MORE RED INK AT DELTA AIR LINES There was a time when many passengers on
Delta Air Lines thought of the flying experience as being "first class at
a coach price." But in recent years services have had to be curtailed,
meals eliminated and perks lessened as the carrier suddenly fell farther and
farther into debt ... then Sept. 11! Now comes word from the Atlanta-based
carrier that its net losses for the second quarter of this year are more
than $185 million. And, according to the Atlanta Journal and Constitution,
analysts don't look for quick improvements. Delta is a major player in the
airline industry, operating both domestically -- out of hubs in Atlanta,
Cincinnati, Dallas-Ft. Worth and Salt Lake City -- and inter-lining with a
variety of international carriers. It also provides quality air service out
of many smaller cities in this country via its Delta Connection services,
mainly on Comair and Atlantic Southeast.
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed !
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