Welcome to Sue's Corner Web
The News Letter, 030207
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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
An Eagles fan, a Dallas Cowboy's fan and a NY Giant fan were
all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze.
All of
a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.
The mere
possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so
for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the
booze, they were sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good
lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence
down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day
their trial
finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they
could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik
suddenly said, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she
has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Cowboy fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so
he thought
about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to
my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes
before the whip went through.
The Cowboy fan had to be carried
away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.
The Giant fan was next up (he almost finished an entire fifth by himself),
and after watching the scene, said "All Right!
Please fix two pillows on my back."
But even two pillows could
only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again,
sending the Giant fan out crying like a little girl.
The Eagles fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but
before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and
said, "You support the greatest team in the world, your
supporters are some of the best and most loyal football fans
in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thanks, your most Royal Highness," the Eagles fan replies.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you
give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you
are also very brave," the Sheik says with an admiring look on
his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asks.
"Tie the Giant's fan to my back."
In the Disney film Beauty and the Beast (1991),
the road signs that
Belle's father encounters in the forest show the names
of two California
cities: one points to Anaheim, while the other points down
a dark,
sinister-looking path to Valencia. In truth, Anaheim is the site of
Disneyland, while the rival Six Flags Magic Mountain amusement theme
park is in the city of Valencia.
Mr. Marlow was strolling through the country
when he
saw a stable with the most beautiful horse he ever
laid eyes on.
It was seventeen hands high and white, with
rippling
muscles and a fine, flowing mane.
Mr. Marlow struck a deal to buy it from the
owner
who did, however, pass on one key piece of information.
"We are a religious family, Mr.Marlow, and we've
instilled
those values in our horse. To get him to gallop you must
say
'Thanks God' to get him to stop you must say
'Our Father Who Art in
Heaven,"
Settling into the saddle, Marlow said " Thanks
God,"
and the animal took off.
They rode for miles; suddenly they were coming
up
to a cliff.
Unfortunately, Marlow couldn't remember the
phrase
to make the animal stop and tried every Biblical
passage he could
think of until, just a few feet
from the edge of the cliff, he shouted, "
Our
Father Who Art in Heaven!
The animal stopped instantly. Shaking and
perspiring,
Marlow reached into his pocket and pulled out a
handkerchief. "Thanks God," he said as he mopped his brow...
This fellow comes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide.
The pharmacist, trying to keep a professional posture, asked what he
wanted it for.
He answered, "I want to kill my wife."
"I'm sorry Sir," the pharmacist replied, "but you will have to
understand under such circumstances I
can't sell you any Cyanide."
The guy reaches into his wallet and produces a photo of his wife.
The pharmacist blushes and replies, "I am so sorry Sir, I didn't realize
you had a prescription."
A video dealer in England advertised a large discount
on his systems to
anyone who was brave (or dumb) enough
to snatch a coin from an aquarium
filled with hungry
piranha. The local animal welfare people got into
the
act and demanded the dealer be sure the customer's hands
were cleaned
so as to prevent food poisoning in any
piranha that might bite a dirty
hand.
A man and his wife were arguing about family members.
"It's just not right",
the wife said. "You don't like
anybody in my family!"
"That's not true,"
replied the husband. "I like your
mother-in-law much better than my
mother-in-law."
Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening as
they have done
for the past 35 years. Max, the older, had been
having problems remembering
what cards were what, and usually
needed help from his wife.
At the
end of the card game Ed said to Max, "You did very good
tonight. You didn't
need any help at all. Why is that?"
Max replied, "Why ever since my wife
sent me to that memory
school, I haven't had any problems at
all."
"Memory school? What memory school?"
Max thought for a
moment, "Oh, what's that flower that's red with
thorns? A really pretty
flower...?"
"A rose?"
"Yeah...that's it!" Max turned to his wife
and mumbled, "Hey,
Rose! What's the name of that memory school you sent me
to?
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take
a picture of their son in a
cap and gown, posed
with his father.
"I want a good picture, so try to
make this look
natural," she said. "Junior, put your arm around
your dad's
shoulder."
The father answered, "If you want it to look
natural, why
not have him put his hand in my pocket?"
I took my 4 year old son, Josh, out to McDonald's
for dinner one evening for
a 'guy night'. As we
were eating our hamburgers, Josh asked, "Daddy,
what
are these little things on the hamburger buns?"
I responded that they
were tiny seeds and were ok
to eat.
He was quiet for a couple of
minutes and I could
tell he was in deep thought. Finally, Josh looked
up
and said, "Dad, if we go home and plant these
seeds in our back yard, we will
have enough
hamburgers to last forever."
Recently, I was working out at a health club and
noticed a woman riding a
stationary bike, reading
a book, listening to music on her headphones,
and
occasionally stealing glances at the soap opera
on the TV. Then I
glanced at the title of her book:
"Women With Attention Deficit
Disorder".
Two Irishmen rob a bank and all they get away with are two sacks, so
they
keep one each. After a while they meet again and one asks the
other, "What
did you find in your sack?"
"Half a million"
"Aw... that's a
lot! What did you do with the cash?"
"I bought a house. How about your
sack?"
"Bah... it was full o' bills"
"And what did you do with
them?"
"Eh well . . . little by little, I'm paying them off."
Mommy Will Eat Your
Fingers
As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old
daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said,
"Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her
entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy's
gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room
again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her
fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
Q: Did you hear about the boatload of red paint that
crashed into a boat
carrying blue paint?
A: 13 passengers were marooned.
One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs.
Jones, was extolling her
secrets for preparing
perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the
stoves
to prepare our assignments, she said,
"Don't forget to use wooden spoons."
As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics
behind the mystery
of the wooden spoon and decided
it must have something to do with heat
conduction.
I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory. "Why
wooden
spoons?" I asked.
"Because," she replied, "if I have to sit
here
listening to all your metal spoons banging against
metal pots, I'd go
nuts."
NOW that's what I call thinking ahead,
GOOD job,
David 1
Donna wasn't home, and it was getting awfully late.
Not knowing any of her
friend's phone numbers, her
Mother fired-up Donna's computer & saw a list
of
e-mail addresses.
She sent a note to each name asking if they
knew
where her daughter was. Within twenty minutes, she
got back 16
replies all saying that she wasn't to
worry, that Donna was spending the
night at their
house and had neglected to telephone.
Well I guess that took care of that trust issue.
David 1
A little boy opened the big & old family Bible with
fascination and
looked at the old pages as he turned
them. Suddenly, something fell out of
the Bible.
He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an
old
leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between
the pages. "Mama, look what
I found," the boy called
out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his
mother asked.
With astonishment in his voice, he answered: "I
think
it's Adam's suit!"
In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten
together to discuss some
important issues. About
midway through the meeting, a wife of one of
the
farmers stood up and spoke her piece.
When she was done, one of
the old farmers stood up
and said, "What does she know about anything? I
would
like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?"
Quick as
a flash, the woman replied, "Take off your
boots sir, and count them
yourself!"
Three Things You Need To Survive
A Scout Master was teaching his boy
scouts about survival
in the desert.
"What are the three most
important things you should bring
with you in case you get lost in the
desert?" he asked.
Several hands went up, and many important things
were
suggested such as food, matches, etc.
Then one little boy in the
back eagerly raised his hand.
"Yes Timmy, what are the three most important
things you
would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master.
Timmy
replied: "A compass, a canteen of water,
and a deck of cards."
"Why's
that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the
right
direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what
about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master
impatiently.
"Well,
Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone
is bound to come up
behind you and say, "Put that red nine
on top of that black ten!"
Brain Teasers
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to
choose
between three rooms.
The first is full of raging fires, the
second is full
of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full
of
lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.
Which room is safest for
him?
Click here for answer.
2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under
water
for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But
5 minutes later they both go
out together and enjoy a
wonderful dinner together. How can this
be?
3. Can you name three consecutive days without using
the words
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, or Sunday?
4.
This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly
you can find out what
is so unusual about it. It looks
so plain you would think nothing was wrong
with it. In
fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual
though.
Study it, and think about it, but you still may not
find
anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you
might find out. Try to do so
without any
coaching!
Click here for answer.
.....
....
...
..
.
1)
The safest room is the one with lions that haven't
eaten in 3 years. - as
they'd all have starved to death.
2) She was a photographer. 'shooting'
him, by taking the
pictures. 'holding him under water' or developing
the
picture of him, and 'hanging him' or hanging the freshly
developed
picture up to dry.
3) Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow
4) The
paragraph does not contain any "E"'s
Back to the questions
Kitchen Plaque Sayings
----------------------
A balanced diet is a
cookie in each hand.
A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life.
A
Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And
Gives The Impression He Just
Cleaned The Whole House.
A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen... And
This
Kitchen Is Delirious.
Help keep the kitchen clean - Eat
OUT.
Housework Done Properly Can Kill You.
If we are what we eat,
then I'm easy, fast and cheap.
My next house will have no kitchen ---
just
vending machines.
No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The
Dishes.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed !
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Note the link goes back to MSA where I get a lot of my scripts at now.
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thanks, David 1
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