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The News Letter, 030404
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Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
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Dear Yahoo!
Why does fruit ripen perfectly in a brown paper bag?
John
Eagle Bend, Minnesota
Dear John:
According to MochaSofa,
as fruit ripens it releases a natural hormone called ethylene.
The paper bag traps this gas close to the fruit, thus ripening it more quickly,
while still allowing some ventilation. But be careful -- your peaches and pears
can go from rock hard to mush in a few days if you don't monitor them.
To get a little more technical, ethylene triggers the creation of enzymes,
which cause starches and acids to break down into sugar. They also break down
cell walls, softening the fruit. Fruits ripen in order to kick-start a new
growing cycle, by providing their seeds with nutrients.
Certain fruits, apples in particular, produce a great deal of ethylene, so
it's important to store them separately from vegetables
such as broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, and leafy greens, as these plants can be
harmed by the gas. However, you can add an apple to a bag of plums,
tomatoes (yes, tomatoes are a fruit),
or other fruit to speed up the ripening process.
You'll find a barrel full of fruit and vegetable tips at CooksRecipes.com.
For more enlightening kitchen trivia, we recommend the Exploratorium's Science
of Cooking. We also give a big thumbs-up to a fantastic book by Russ Parsons
titled How
to Read a French Fry.
I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to
understand how the
Indians must have felt when they
first encountered the Spanish explorers.
"How would
you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your
doorstep who
looked very different, spoke a strange
language and wore unusual clothes?
Wouldn't you be
a bit scared?"
"Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just
figure it was my
sister's
date."
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<>
<> <> Mr Funny Bone International
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior
high
school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace
and
contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon
three
young boys, full of youthful, after-school
enthusiasm, came down his street,
beating merrily on every trash can
they encountered.
The crashing
percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise
old man decided
it was time to take some action. The next afternoon, he
walked out to meet
the young percussionists as they banged their way
down the street. Stopping
them, he said,
"You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your
exuberance
like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your
age.
Will you do me a favour? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise
to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and
continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the
old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he
had a sad smile on his
face. "This recession's really putting a big
dent in my income," he told
them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay
you 50 cents to beat on the
cans."The noisemakers were obviously
displeased, but they accepted his offer
and continued
their afternoon ruckus.
A few days later, the wily
retiree approached them again as they
drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received
my Social Security check yet, so I'm
not going to be able to give you
more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?""A
lousy quarter?" the drum
leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to
waste our time, beating
these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No
way, mister. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for
the rest of his days.
Bidding for various objects was proceeding furiously,
when the auctioneer
suddenly announced,
"A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet
containing
$10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward
of
$2,000."
There was a moment's silence, and then from the back
of
the room came the cry :
"Two Thousand Five Hundred."
An
overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said
she should
run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised,
would help her lose
the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.
The blonde followed the
doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she
was pleased to find that she
had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds. She
phoned the doctor and thanked him
for the wonderful advice which
produced such effective results. At the end
of the conversation,
however, she
asked one last question:
"How do I
get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the
reason for their long and happy marriage.
The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After
all, there is no "I" in the word 'marriage.'"'
The wife said, "For my part, I have never corrected my
husband's spelling."
YANKEES AND THE TEXAS WAY OF LIFE
Driving through Texas a New Yorker collided with a
truck pulling a horse trailer. A few months later, the New Yorker was in court
trying to collect damages for injuries. "How can you claim damages for
injuries," asked the lawyer for the insurance company, "when at the time of the
accident, you told the police you were fine?"
The New Yorker replied, "Well, you see, I was lying
in the highway in lots of pain when I heard someone say that the horse had a
broken leg. The next thing I knew the Texas Ranger who was investigating, took
out his pistol and shot the horse. He then turned to me and asked me, 'How are
you?' I replied, 'I'm just fine, thanks!' "
Three blondes were all vying for the last available position on
the
local California police force. The detective conducting the interview
looked at the three of them and said, "So you all want to be a cop, eh?"
The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file
drawer and
pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and
withdrew
photograph, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to
DETECT.
You must be able to notice things such as
distinguishing features and oddities
such as scars, etc. " So saying, he
stuck the photo in the face of the
first blonde and withdrew it after about
2 seconds.
"Now, he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about
this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He only has one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of COURSE he only has one eye
in
this picture! It's a PROFILE of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first
blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned
to the second blonde, stuck the photo in
her face for two seconds, pulled it
back and said, "What about you?
Notice anything unusual or outstanding about
this man?" The blonde
immediately shot back, "Yes! He only has one ear!" The
detective put his head
in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I
just said to the other lady?
This is a PROFILE of the man's face! Of COURSE
you can see only one ear!!
You're excused, too!
The second blonde
sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to
the last blonde and said, "This is
probably a waste of time, but....." He
flashed the photo in her face
for a couple of seconds and withdrew it,
saying, "All right. Did YOU
anything distinguishing or unusual about this
man?" The blonde said,
"I did. This man wears contact lenses." The detective
frowned,
took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the
papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression
and said,
"You're abso lutely right! His bio says he wears contacts!
How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"
The
blonde rolled her eyes and said, "DUH! With only one eye
and one ear, he
certainly CAN'T WEAR GLASSES!"
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses
do:
1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
2.Viruses
use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
3.Viruses
will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay,
Windows does that too.
4.Viruses are usually carried,
unknown to the user, along with valuable
programs and systems. Sigh...
Windows does that, too.
5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect
their system is
too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Yup, Windows does that, too.
Until now it seems Windows
is a virus but there are fundamental differences:
Viruses are well supported
by their authors, are running on most systems,
their program code is fast,
compact and efficient and they tend to
become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is
not a virus.
It's a
bug.
You Think A Gallon Of Gas Is Expensive? Makes one think,
and puts things in
perspective.
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 . $10.32 per gallon
Lipton
Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ...... $ 9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59
............. $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ....... $10.00
per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 .......... $33.60 per
gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 .......... $178.13 per
gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 ......... $123.20 per
gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 . $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99
. $84.48 per gallon
This is the REAL KICKER......
Evian water 9
oz for $1.49 . $21.19 per gallon.
$21.19 FOR WATER! ....and the buyers
don't even know
the source. But then again EVIAN spelled backwards
is
naïve.
So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your
car
doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or God forbid,
PEPTO BISMOL
or NYQUIL!!!!
Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your
next
trip to the pump
Thanks Fred for this one I needed it.
BUSH
AGREES WITH FRANCE,
CONTINUE
INSPECTIONS!
(AP) Washington
DC 8:00 AM (EST), Thursday, 13 March 2003
President George Bush has made an announcement that we
will not attack Iraq.
The
President has announced that as of today, he is agreeing to additional
inspectors to be deployed throughout the country of Iraq.
We will be sending
250,000 additional inspectors into Iraq.
The additional
inspectors will include:
· 24,000 members of the
1st Infantry Division
· 18,000 members of the
101st Airborne Division (Air Assault)
· 15,000 members of the
82d Airborne Division
· More than 5,000
members of the 4th Armored Division with their M1-A1 All Terrain
Vehicles.
· Additional U.S. Army
personnel, as needed for inspections.
· A variety of U.S. Air
Force personnel for aerial recon missions and other 'surveillance'
activities.
· A significant number
of U.S. Air Force personnel for aerial recon missions and other 'surveillance'
activities.
· A significant number
of United States Marines to aid with inspections.
· United States Coast
Guard personnel to inspect coast lines.
· An undisclosed number
of Rangers, Green Berets, Navy SEALs , Recon Marines, Delta Force, and other
Special Operations personnel to inspect Iraqi 'hide aways'.
· Special air deliveries
to aid the inspections will be made by aircraft from the USS Constellation, USS
George Washington, USS Abraham Lincoln and USS Enterprise.
The President stated:
"With these additional inspectors, the inspections should be completed in a few
weeks."
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed !
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Note the link goes back to MSA where I get a lot of my scripts at now.
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